The Book of Everything by Guus Kuijer Page A

shook hands. It did not escape Father’s notice.
    â€œYes, you have,” said Aunt Pie. “They come to all my birthdays. And what do you think of my slacks?”
    She was wearing a pair of pale-blue slacks with a zipper on the side.
    Father didn’t think anything of it.
    â€œPie can carry it off,” said Aunt Magda. “My bottom’s too big for it.”
    Father didn’t want to look at any bottoms, so he looked at the ceiling. It really needed painting. The ceiling, that is.
    There was more noise on the stairs. Thump-creak-thump-creak. It was music to Thomas’s ears. He ran into the hallway. It could possibly be someone with one old shoe and one new one. But more likely, it was someone with a leather leg. He pressed his back into the toilet door.
    It was Eliza. She didn’t notice him in the dark hallway. She went through into the room. “Hi, Eliza,” he heard Margot call out. There was some bustling noise.
    â€œWhere is Thomas?” asked Eliza. “I want to sit next to him. Thomas is my friend.”
    All over Holland and the rest of the world, far into the deepest tropical regions, every bud was springing open, every blossom peeping out.
    â€œOh, Jesus,” whispered Thomas. “I am so happy.” But now he really didn’t dare go inside.
    Thump-creak-thump-creak. “Oh, is that where you are, Thomas!” said Eliza. “Are you hiding from me?”
    â€œOf course not,” said Thomas.
    â€œCome here,” she said. She held out her hand. It was her good hand, with five whole fingers. Hand in hand, they walked into the room.
    Fortunately, Father did not see them, because he was hidden behind Aunt Magda’s big bottom.
    â€œLet’s see now,” said Eliza. “We’d better sit somewhere where everybody doesn’t fall over my leg.” She looked around the circle. “There, by the window,” she said.
    They sat down. Her leather leg stuck out, but that did not matter, because she was out of everybody’s way.
    â€œWell,” she said. “How do I look?”
    â€œLovely,” said Thomas, because she was wearing a sky-blue dress with a white collar. “By the way, does your father play violin?” he asked.
    Eliza looked surprised. “Yes,” she said. “How did you know?”
    Thomas shrugged. “I just know. And your mother sings really beautifully.”
    Now Eliza was really perplexed. She let go of his hand and put her arm around his shoulders. “You’re a very special boy, did you know that?” she asked.
    â€œI do, sort of,” said Thomas shyly.
    â€œNow I suddenly knew what Eliza knew,” Thomas wrote in The Book of Everything . “She knew it, and so did I: what there is about me.”
    Margot and Aunt Pie were bringing around coffee. And cakes from Aunt Pie’s white box. There was more noise on the stairs. “Go and see who it is,” said Eliza. “I’ll keep your chair for you.”
    Thomas went into the hallway. Mrs. van Amersfoort was there already with her portable gramophone. Behind her, four elderly ladies were coming up the stairs. The first of them was carrying a flat case that held the records.
    â€œThis is Thomas,” said Mrs. van Amersfoort when they were all in the hallway. “He is not afraid of witches.”
    â€œJust as well,” giggled the lady with the records.
    â€œAt least I won’t have to be careful then,” said the old lady with the bunch of flowers.
    â€œAt last, a real man,” sighed the old lady who held a bottle of red cordial in each hand.
    â€œI prefer them a little bit scared,” said the last of them.“Keeps them in their place.” She laughed loudly. That was a scary sight, because you could see her upper teeth even when she had her mouth shut. And you could see them even worse when she snapped her mouth open.
    â€œThat shouldn’t be a problem for you,” said