The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends by Robert Rankin FVSS

so,’ I said to my friend, ‘explain to me, if you will, just why we are going to this particular time and place.’
    ‘To catch our thief,’ the great detective said.
    ‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘I am aware that this is your goal. Now please offer me some specifics .’
    ‘Specifically, then,’ said Mr Bell as he uncorked champagne, ‘I discovered these papers –’ and he indicated those that were spread about upon the navigation desk ‘– which suggest that Arthur Knapton will have dealings here with a secret organisation in London during the year nineteen forty. There are dated memoranda. From numerous meetings.’
    ‘Meetings about what ?’ I enquired, for this seemed a reasonable question.
    ‘ “The employment of top-secret technology”,’ said MrBell, reading from a memorandum. ‘Mr Knapton is going to be engaged in discussions with the Ministry of Serendipity.’
    ‘I believe this Ministry is unknown to me,’ I said as I helped myself to a banana from the bowl and accepted a glass of champagne.
    ‘But not to myself,’ said Mr Bell. ‘It is said that the Ministry of Serendipity has been the “power behind the throne of England” for several hundred years.’
    ‘I like not the smell of that,’ I said.
    ‘The Ministry upholds the interests of the British Empire as a whole. Rulers come and rulers go, but the Ministry remains.’
    ‘That all sounds somewhat sinister,’ I said. ‘Almost criminal, in fact.’
    ‘Not a bit of it,’ said Mr Bell. ‘We . . . I mean they , do what is for the best.’
    “‘ We  . . . I mean they ”? You mean you are an agent of this Ministry?’
    Mr Bell nodded and toasted me with champagne. ‘I could possibly get you an honorary membership,’ he said.
    ‘Ah,’ I said. ‘So then I might have a say in the running of the country?’
    ‘No, not as such. But you could use the Ministry's bar and you get a discount on hansom cab fares.’
    ‘Do you think they will still have hansom cabs in nineteen forty?’ I had emptied my glass of champagne now and held it out for refilling.
    Mr Bell took to this refilling. ‘All vehicles will be electrically powered by nineteen forty,’ he assured me. ‘It will be thrilling to see the future, will it not, Darwin? To see the great strides forward Mankind will have made. I will wager you that the British Empire will rule not only the planets in our solar system, but many others also.’
    I dearly wish I had taken Mr Bell up on this wager.
    ‘I predict that it will be idyllic,’ my companion prophesied. ‘All men equal. Peace and harmony. The races of Ape and Man living in perfect unity.’
    Oh, how I wish I had taken him up on that .
    ‘So let us be clear,’ I said to Mr Bell. ‘You know, from the documents you found in the vault, the dates and times of Arthur Knapton's meetings with members of the Ministry of Serendipity in nineteen forty?’
    ‘I do,’ said Mr Bell. ‘And with one member in particular.’
    ‘Go on.’ I took my refilled champagne glass and set about its emptying.
    ‘An old friend of both yours and mine – Mr Winston Churchill.’
    I snorted champagne from my nose. ‘Mr Churchill?’ I said.
    ‘By the evidence of these papers, Mr Churchill has attained to the rank of Prime Minister in the era towards which we are heading.’
    ‘Ah,’ said I. ‘Mr Churchill and I are indeed acquainted. A rather headstrong fellow, Mr Churchill. Always up for a fight, as it were.’
    ‘But a man, you will agree, who holds the Empire close to his heart.’
    ‘On that I will agree.’ And I toasted Mr Bell and the ship crashed down without warning and he and I fell on the floor.
    ‘We are going to have to work on our landings,’ said my friend, when he had once more found his feet. ‘We cannot go on crashing the Marie Lloyd .’
    ‘Well, it is not my fault,’ I said to him. ‘There is no way of judging how fast this ship travels through time.’
    Mr Bell helped me to the pilot's seat and I examined