The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2 by Amanda Egan

my notes for the Auction of Promises next Friday. 
     
    There have been unconfirmed rumours that one of the mums personally knows Nigella and that she’s pledged a day’s cookery course with her.  Nigella, or ‘My God’, as she’s known in our house, could be within my grasp.  Still haven’t decided if I love or hate her.  And would I really bid good money to spend a day simpering whilst simmering and pouting whilst poaching?  Probably not, if I’m totally honest.
     
    All seems to be in order for the event and Fenella’s mum, Olivia, seems very excited to be bringing down the gavel.  Just hope she has the knack of doing the hard sell to get people whipped into a frenzy of bidding.  They need to forget that it’s for charity and set their eyes on the prize instead.
     
    With any luck, they’ll all be so eager to outdo one another we’ll make a killing at the expense of their vulgarity.
     

Perfect!
     
    Monday 10 th November
     
    Had an email this morning which has left me reeling.  I think I used every swear word in the English language plus a few in Russian, Czech and Swedish taught to me by Olga and a few of the other au pairs.
     
    Just way too pissed off to write at the moment - and suddenly have quite a lot to get sorted.
     
    PM
     
    OK, so here’s the story.
     
    Shergar, Barbie and Dress-up Mummy have decided to down tools on the Christmas fair which is twelve days away!
     
    Their pathetic excuse is that Barbie needs to have major surgery (no doubt not life threatening but purely cosmetic) and Shergar is “just monstrously busy in the lead up to the festive season”.  Dress-up didn’t give an excuse - probably too spaced out.
     
    I’m practically certain that it’s all to do with the fundraising being for CCL and it just leaves me burning with rage.
     
    Had an emergency meeting with Fenella - me on the fags and her on the Irn Bru.
     
    Felt just like the old days but who’d have thought we’d find ourselves in this position exactly a year down the track?  We’d been foolish enough to believe that we’d served our apprenticeship last year.
     
    I’d already collected the files from Shergar and they made pretty sad reading.  They really hadn’t done very much at all and things were looking horribly grim.
     
    Fenella had a flick through the meagre offerings.  “Sweedie, there’s no way we can let the kids down.  The fair’s one of the highlights of their school year.  They love being little grown ups, going round with their purses buying Christmas presents and winning bits of tat on the games.  What are we going to do?”
     
    I shook my head in despair as I looked over the files.  Just about the only things they had managed to sort were a couple of dads to be Father Christmas, a few naff games and three stalls of designer clothes and shoes.
     
    Twelve days to go and that’s the sum total of their work - it beggars belief.
     
    Told Fenella my biggest worry.
     
    “If everyone is so anti-CCL, people won’t be spending money.  Somehow, we need to find a way around this.”
     
    Organising the fair, with a willing team behind us, will probably be a doddle compared to convincing people that we’re doing it for a worthwhile cause.
     
    Tuesday 11 th November
     
    Right, got the fundraising issue sorted and all OK’d by Hinge & Bracket.
     
    We’ve now agreed that all proceeds will be divided equally between CCL and new equipment for the school.  That way we’ll be able to shut up those who have an issue with scholarship kids at the school - a new climbing frame or gym equipment will surely stop them moaning.
     
    It does mean that we’re going to have to raise an awful lot of money, but Mr Umbolo’s generous donation has already lightened the load significantly.
     
    So … all we need to do now is organise a fair - again!
     
    PM
     
    It’s been a rather long day but a lot has been achieved.
     
    Summary;
     
    Reliable xmas fair team now in place - me, Fenella,