The Drunk Logs by Steven Kuhn

everything. The only thing that is mandatory is group.”
    “Mmmm,” Jack Jack moaned as he sat down at the table and licked his ice cream. His pride was restored from the acknowledgement of one lonely person.
    “Matt H., report to the nurses’ station, Matt H.,” the intercom bellowed from above.
    “Crap,” I said as I lowered my head.
    “Check your heart and check your blood, take these drugs, you’re better again,” Jack Jack started to chant as they all joined in.
    I strolled down the hall and wondered how many more times I had to go to the nurses’ station, but realized that they weren’t calling me for my good looks. I passed Carl in his usual spot at the intersection, with hands in his pockets, as he leaned against the wall.
    “What’s up, Carl?” I asked.
    “Same old, same old,” he said, looking extremely bored.
    As I proceeded down the hall, to my surprise, Barry Eugene popped out of our room and staggered into me. We both wrapped our arms around each other to try and prevent the other from falling over.
    “Woo, good thing I caught you before you fell,” Barry Eugene slurred.
    “Sure, B.E,” I said.
    “What?” he said, confused.
    “Nothing.”
    I began to slow my step enough for him to keep up. I might as well be polite to him for the time being , I thought. It’s not like we were going anywhere soon.
    “You going to the nurses’ station? Cause I got to go there to,” he said.
    “Yep.”
    “Yeah, I’m going home today. Just have to go to the nurses’ station to make sure everything is in order. They’ll probably have a party for me when I get back, since I’ve been gone so long.”
    I noticed that he’d started to smell a little ripe that day and still wore the same clothes that he came in with, except for the new pair of pants he exchanged for the soiled ones.
    “Well, Barry Eugene, here is your stop. I’ve got to go over there. Maybe we’ll see each other later?”
    I took a few steps, leaned against the wall, and waited for the nurse to scream, while I watched Barry Eugene and wondered how he was going to try to finagle his way home this time.
    He hobbled up to the nurses’ station, looking like prey in the wild, alert but paranoid of the people and surroundings. He received no response from the nurse who sat behind the desk wall or even the nurses who roamed around in the background, so he banged his hand on the front desk and said, “I’m Barry Eugene and I’m ready to go home.”
    The startled nurse seemed to struggle to stay calm. “Now Barry Eugene, how many times have we told you that your wife will not release you until you complete the entire program?”
    I stared, and wondered what would happen next.
    “She has no legal authority over me, and I said I am ready to go home.” He banged again on the desk wall, which forced the nurse to call over the intercom.
    “Security, please come to the nurses’ station.”
    Within seconds, Carl grabbed Barry Eugene by the arm and forced him into the nurses’ station away from the general population. Inside, Carl pushed him down into a chair and verbally disciplined him, but the conversation was inaudible. Carl clearly had had enough.
    “Next,” Molly said behind the half-door.
    I looked over and smiled. “It seems that you’re the only one who takes care of me.”
    “Only the best for you, Matt. Come on in,” she said as she opened the door and pointed to the chair.
    She ripped the Velcro, slid the blood pressure belt on, and pushed the start button; the motor hummed as the belt tightened.
    “So, how has your stay been so far?” she asked.
    “Pretty good. I’ve met some nice people and I’m tolerating Barry Eugene.”
    “Yeah, I don’t understand that man. He keeps asking everyone who works here when he’s going home, but we keep telling him he needs to get permission from his wife first.”
    “Yeah, but can’t he leave anytime he wants?”
    “Sure. But there is a restraining order against him from his