The First Time (Love in No Time #1) by Bitsi Shar

push and pull. It is all very thrilling but kind of nerve wracking. It is turning me into someone I sometimes do not recognize--a freak alternate other. Hmmm! That feels . . . Damn, I don’t know how that feels.
    I feel light fingers at my elbow. I swing around sharply fully expecting some roadside Romeo feeling me up, a single girl standing near a pillar waiting in his mind for him, available for his dirty touch. But its just my Romeo. He looks good, as always. His brown checked shirt and beige chinos fit well his slim frame. His sharply trimmed beard looks as shiny and groomed as ever. He is smiling. I think I return his smile. His smile broadens.
    “Ms. Sharma, how lovely to see you but why are you standing outside. I thought we were having lunch here?”
    “I hate this place” I say without any preamble, not even a hello. My mum will not be proud of me just now. She brought me up to have manners. Right now I had none.
    “You hate this place?” He repeats. “Why didn’t you say on the phone? I could have suggested someplace else.” “Where would you like to go?”
    “I don’t know. I am really not hungry.” I am irritable and pouty. He notices. He leans in a little and takes his index finger across my lower lip, lightly, very lightly. My breath hitches. My eyes go rounder in my face.
    He leans back and asks, “Where, Ms. Sharma? Where do you want to go for lunch?”
    “No lunch.” I repeat.
    “Ok. So do you want some dessert? I know this great pastry shop called the Yellow Brick Road around that corner. It sells your favorite jam rolls. Would you like to go there?”
    “No dessert. I am not a dessert person.” I am such a liar. I am totally a dessert person. But I am just being difficult. I am becoming averse to sweets and sweetness for no reason at all. Am I testing his boundaries now? How far he would pursue me in spite of my snarkiness? Or am I testing my own boundaries? How far would I go to deny my own feelings?
    He sighs. “What is on your mind, Ms. Sharma? I am trying. I need a little help here from you, if you don’t mind.” He looks tired and sincere at the same time. Potent combination. The affect is me saying, “We could go to my apartment.” Damn!
    I really am my worst enemy or best friend, take your pick. His eyes light up like I have never seen before and his mouth curves into an audible “oh.”
    And after half a beat he asks, “What did you just say?” knowing fully well what I said. And I boldly go there again. I proposition him, again! “We could go back to my apartment. No-one should be in right now.” I look at my watch that says 2:30 p.m. and then back at him.
    “Ms. Sharma” his voice holds wonder like he has heard or seen something totally unexpected. “Do you know what you are saying?” I nod. “Hmm.”
    He is still smiling in that wicked sort of way. He is looking so boyish despite his beard and his peppered hair that add years to his actual youth. His eyes address me intensely. He is making sure that I know I have just thrown the gasoline drum on a raging fire and all exits are closed now. Burning is no longer an option. It is inevitable.
    He straightens from where he is leaning against the pillar. “Can you wait for me here? I need to go back to the office, grab my bag from the office and also get my scooter? I can drive us back to your place. Yes?”
    He is giving me one last chance to change my mind. He is letting me exercise a mythical privilege if I wanted to as a desired woman. Desired women have power, you know. He knows that and he was letting me work on that knowledge if I so desired. I am no ordinary woman in this moment. I can do extraordinary things like proposition my brother’s best friend to come back with me to my apartment for you know what. Well, actually, I really didn't know what. I think we could possibly make out but I doubt anything else could happen. Could it? Now I don’t even trust myself to know anything about my own reactions to him.