The Girl I Last Loved by Smita Kaushik

never knew these many colours existed if it wasn’t for her nails.
    “Now Kritesh might want to share something with us regarding his ambition…,” she rested her speech at this.
    A handsome-looking guy in a black formal shirt and blue jeans stood up. He fumbled as he tried to speak. In addition he was taking very long pauses.
    Finally he broke, “I won’t be able to do it. I am not very good at speaking in front of so many people.”
    “It’s fine Kritesh. Try and prepare. I’ll give you five minutes,” Kasam tried to calm him.
    She faced the others, “What do you think of me as a speaker?”
    She was very well applauded. She bent by her waist and took a bow in quite a dramatic manner, “Thank you, thank you. You know many a times even I fear when I am about to speak that words won’t come out. People may not even like what I say. Even my legs shake, my heart beat rises and then my throat starts constricting. But you know, where I win? I don’t let it show to others. If you don’t have it, then fake it.
    “I bet everyone fears speaking – that’s inevitable, but the extent can vary. It can depend on a lot of things; a few tips might help. Sometimes it depends on the side from which you are speaking.”
    She gulped some water; everyone became more attentive as she spoke again.
    “It’s my very own ‘being on the other side’ theory. Here I am so ‘confident’ while speaking, as I am the one who is conducting this seminar and you are paying for listening. Obviously you won’t contradict if I am wrong and go on listening attentively. Your interest is what gives me the confidence to go on. Maybe if I go to a medical research seminar, I might fear speaking. This one is an example of content constraint.”
    A few people noted it down like school kids.
    “There can be several other constraints and strengths. Try finding out both so that you can overcome your constraints and harness your strengths.”
    By this time she completed a whole round of the auditorium and returned back to Kritesh. I loved her energy.
    “One tends to feel nervous if they think they are being judged. So, Kritesh think that you are conducting this seminar and you are speaking in front of ducks and donkeys… no offence guys,” she said, turning a bit towards others.
    “It’s perfectly fine, Kasam,” someone shouted, though everyone laughed.
    She continued pouring into Kritesh eyes in a gentle voice.
    “…yes ducks and donkeys who have completely no idea about the subject matter.
    “Believe me it won’t be the same.”
    Her voice was calm enough and her eyes were driving enough.
    Kritesh didn’t make it to the BBC Broadcaster of the Year, but still managed to keep people engrossed in his words.
    I rushed out to avoid Kasam, knowing that I secretly came to her sessions.
    ‘Ahh! finally’ I gushed out as I lighted the stick. Though I had been smoking less, but still it was my best buddy. However I couldn’t introduce it to Kasam. As I saw her coming, my best friend was out of my Audi Q7. Sprayed car freshener, sprayed mouth freshener etc, brushed my hair. Wait, am I concerned about the way I look in front of her? I didn’t know why but I messed my hair again.
    “Hey,” Kasam appeared on my window.
    “Huh! Aren’t you going to come inside,” I acted sheepish.
    “Of course, oho…o it smells nice.”
    I didn’t know why but my heart sank.
    “You know Akash, you should come to my sessions.”
    “I am normal. Your sessions are for those who need help.”
    “No it’s not like that; besides who said you are normal?” she punched me.
    “Not the suit,” I said repulsively.
    “It’s just that you wait for me here. Instead you can come and be with me.”
    There was an awkward silence. So, I drove.
    We were at Barista because of Kasam’s profound love for coffee.
    She was about to step out of the car when I rushed to open the door for her. She gave me a weird look. We went in the elevator. She was talking all the way