The Loneliness of the Long Distance Book Runner by Bill Rees

o’shite!
                                           John Cleary
Euston Train Station, 4 October 2009
    We are rushing to catch the 15.05 Chester train when I catch a glimpse of the Mayor of London. The stooped stance and shock of blond hair. It is undoubtedly Boris Johnson. He is looking a little lost. In taking our seats, we see him walking alone on the platform adjacent to our train. I surmise that he is awaiting the Manchester train in order to attend the Tory Party Conference and make mischief.
    On the 6th of October, I send the following e-mail:
    Dear Boris Johnson,
    I intended to speak to you at Euston Station on Sunday afternoon but I was unable to do so. I was rushing, with my son, to get the Chester train. I wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your recent nomination and subsequent contribution to Radio 4’s ‘Great Lives’. It occurred to me that you might be interested in purchasing a painstaking facsimile of thefirst edition of Johnson’s Dictionary that I have for sale. Price £600. Below is a description of the item.
    The Folio Society, 2006. Hardcover. Book Condition: Fine. Johnson’s Dictionary is an absolute triumph. Even the process used to tan the calf hides for the superb, three-quarter binding is the same as that which was used in Dr. Johnson’s time. The boards and page edges are marbled by Ann Muir, reproducing a feature also found on the original. The colours used in my copy are shades of very dark green, red, several of ochre, and white. This palette perfectly complements the colours in the leather, the spine labels, and the paper. The same colour of paper is used, but it is of a much better quality, to ensure use by successive generations. The size is also faithful to the original and is, in a word, huge. The two, massive volumes weigh in at twenty-six pounds and require some effort to lift or carry about. All the hand work is of the highest degree of craftsmanship: the paper (Favini), the printing (St. Edmundsbury Press), the leather (Graham Wright Leather dappled calf), the binding (Smith Settle), the blocking and label work on the spine, the gloriously beautiful marbled covers and book edges (Ann Muir), and the scalloped case with its volume divider.
    Should this e-mail spark any interest, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
    Yours faithfully
    William Rees
    On the 14th of October, I receive the following reply:
    Dear Mr Rees,
    The Mayor thanks you for your email. He has no plans to buy the volumes at the moment, but he has asked me to thank you for tipping him off.
    Very best wishes,
    Yours sincerely,
Ann Sindall
Executive Assistant to the Mayor
    By strange coincidence, a London customer purchases the dictionary the very same day.
Collis School fête, Teddington, 2001
    I head to the tables that have books piled upon them. Friendly volunteers man the stall.
    I tend to smile benignly without entering into conversation. I can’t allow myself to be distracted from what is essentially my work. ‘You’re a big reader,’ I am told. I nod. Sometimes I come clean and declare my hand but not on this occasion. I put down a pile of James Bond paperbacks (Pan) so as to inspect a neat collection of early (but not Firsts) Dr Dolittles , each with a pristine dust wrapper. Nearby is a C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle , that looks like an early edition. It’s seemingly in very good condition with its wrapper intact. My mind, upon turning thecover, prepares itself for disappointment, expecting to see any of the following: a torn page, a missing page, a library stamp, a reprint edition, a pen mark, an inscription, a previous owner’s signature, spotting, a water stain, a price clipped d/j, a remainder mark, mould, bug damage.
    None of them. Which is why I can describe it as a ‘good collector’s copy’: cover slightly faded, no chips, no tears, book with illustrations in text, without inscriptions. Illustrator Pauline Baynes, published by The Bodley Head, 1956. The Last