The Lonely Living by Sean McMurray

haunted by every quiet moment.” 
    With those words, I dropped the
snowball from my hand and turned back to my work.  Sam watched me for a few
moments and then went inside.   
    We barely said a word to each other
for the next two days.  She kept her distance and I kept mine.  She wasn’t mad
at me and I wasn’t mad at her, but there was a bridge between us that neither
of us was certain we wanted to cross.  Still, while I was working I would catch
her out of the corner of my eye watching me from a kitchen window and for my
part, I found myself making up excuses to go in the house to see her.  Then one
evening, while I was writing in my journal, Sam came downstairs carrying an old
box. 
    “Look what I found.”  She said
excitedly.  “It’s an old board game.”
    She pulled it out of the box and I
recognized it immediately.  It was Life or the game of Life .
    “We should play it.”  Sam
suggested.
    I closed my journal and shrugged.  “Why
not?” 
    We quickly set up the game and
began to play.  Sam made it to the career tile first and chose a career.
    “Doctor.”  She said
enthusiastically.   “Just like I always wanted.”
    “Is that really what you wanted to
be when you grew up?”  I asked.
    “Dr. Samantha at your service.”  She
laughed, “If only it were true.”
    I spun the dial and landed a six,
just enough to reach the career tile. 
    She held out three cards.  “Your
turn to pick.”
    I chose one.
    “Well?” Asked Sam.
    I said glumly, “I’m a plumber.” 
    Sam laughed and said smugly, “Well
you would have had more career options if you would have went to college.” 
    I glared at her.
    “Oh, don’t be upset Blake.   We
need plumbers too.”
    “Yeah,” I said sarcastically, “call
me Mario.” 
    After a moment of laughter she
became sincere.   “If you didn’t want to be a plumber, what did you want to
be?” 
    I rubbed my head.   “Honestly, I
never really thought about it.” 
    “Hmm.  You spend a lot of time with
that journal of yours.  Did you ever think about becoming a writer?” 
    I glanced at my journal, which was
sitting on an end table next to me.  “No, not really.” 
    Sam leaned forward.  “Blake, I need
to be honest with you and please don’t be mad.  But I’ll understand if you
are.”  She paused. “I’ve read through your journal and it’s quite good.” 
    “You read through my journal?”  I
responded.  “That’s private.” 
    “I know.  I know.  It’s just…you
won’t let me get close and sometimes I get the feeling like you don’t want me
here, like I’ve intruded on your own little world.”
    I grabbed the journal off the
table.  “You hadn’t until you read this.”
    “I’m sorry Blake.”  She pleaded. “I
really am. I just like being here with you.”
    “Well…” My anger began to subside.  “I
like you being here because…because I like you.”
    Her face reddened.  “You like me?”
    I felt a sudden swell of something
between joy and fear.  “Yes…very much but…”
    “But what?” 
    “You don’t want to be with me.  A
girl like you would never have even given me a second thought before all of
this happened and…I’m dangerous.” 
    “What do you mean dangerous?” 
    I held up the journal like I was
lawyer presenting evidence to a one person jury.  “You read my journal, you
should know why.” 
    Sam spoke softly, “This is about
your sister isn’t it?” 
    Tears began to well in my eyes and
it took a moment for me to speak.  “I was supposed to take care of her and I
let her die.” 
    “I don’t believe that’s true.” 
    I said shamefully, “If you knew
what happened, you would think different of me.”
    “You never wrote about what
happened to her.”
    “And I never will.” I paused, “But,
I will tell you and then you can decide if you want to stay with me or not.” 
    She nodded and I stared deep into
the fire.  The embers crackled and