The Night House by Rachel Tafoya

to this circle?” I can’t help my curiosity.
    The smallest of grins crosses his lips. “I no longer need a circle, now that I have a Night House.”
    “What, are we your followers?”
    “Not you. Vampires.”

James
     
    When I wake up, it hits me like a ton of bricks.
    I lost her.
    There is a black hole where she used to be.
    I am up long before Shiloh, so I shower and dress before I wake him. Then we join Ally in the kitchen. She is like a bomb about to explode sitting across from me at the table. I don’t know why she’s so upset. I feel like yelling at her, just to yell at someone, when she speaks.
    “James, you look really bad.”
    I blink. She’s concerned about me? She even said my real name. That’s when I realize; she’s remembering.
    “Ally, it’s not like that, I promise.”
    She lets out her breath and leans her head on Shiloh’s shoulder. He tenses up.
    “I’m sorry, but you just seemed kind of depressed. You haven’t looked like that in a while,” she finishes quietly.
    I force a smile. “Don’t worry so much.”
    All three of us head outside, the two of them feeling much better than I do. I’m glad they’re not so worried anymore, but their calm only disturbs me more. There should be another feeling. There should be a craving inside me. Could it be that I miss the storm inside that girl?
    “Where do you want to go?” Shiloh asks me.
    I shrug. “Somewhere busy.”
    “How about South Street?”
    Our house is only a short walk away from the crowded South Street. It’s the perfect distraction.
    We pass by a woman brimming with sadness.
    A child goes by with a splinter in his aching hand.
    A man talking on his cell phone is overcome with rage that he can’t express.
    I can’t help any of them.
    We keep walking. I feel like I’m floating down a river. The people around me are pulling me in every direction, beckoning me into their minds. I can feel the emotions around me like wisps of cold or hot air. Most of the people are swallowed in their own business, and they pass me by like ghosts, cold and unwelcoming. They are busy, not feeling much of anything. I try to open myself to this numbness. As soon as I do, I get a rush of giddiness from a group of older girls walking by. It makes my heart race.
    I take a deep breath, and the ache in someone else’s legs burns up my calves. That isn’t mine. None of this is mine. What am I feeling? Have I ever felt anything of my own?
    They pull me inside one of Ally’s preferred vegetarian places. She gets falafel. I sip water and try to figure out what’s going on in my own head.
    “Was this too much?” Shiloh asks.
    I turn my gaze to the window, to all the people walking in pairs. “I actually had hope…that someone could tell me what I was feeling…”
    Ally touches my back, and I appreciate the contact. “I’m no expert on this, but you’re still my brother. I know you’re torn up about this girl. It’s like you’re grieving for her.”
    She stares at me with her big eyes. “Maybe you need to find her again.” There is a spark of hope in her. She wants the girl back, but why?
    I turn to Shiloh, because he’s the one who can think for me when I can’t. He’s the one I can rely on.
    Shiloh doesn’t meet my gaze. “I don’t know, Jay. Maybe she’s more trouble than she’s worth.”
    I want to agree with him, but I can’t shake the feeling that I did something wrong. I want to take it back. Ally’s right. I am grieving for her.
    I know I’m going to regret this, but I have to make sure that there’s nothing I can do, that I can’t help her, that I didn’t make a mistake. Last night, I gave up without a fight. I didn’t even try . But I owe it to myself, and to her, to actually put myself out there.
    Finally, the chatter in my brain dies down and I feel something resembling calm.
    I take a forkful of food. Ally relaxes at the sight of me eating.
    “You’ll see,” she says. “Even if you fail, it doesn’t matter.