The One That Got Away by M. B. Feeney

have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Like I said, I don’t regret what happened between us, I don’t think I ever could. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I need you to know.” He paused to take a deep breath whilst I lit a cigarette. I had a feeling I was going to need it. I wished I wasn’t driving so I could have a drink.
    “Shane, you don’t need to explain yourself to me, really.” Why couldn’t the repair guy turn up so we could set off? It wouldn’t take long to get to his place and then I’d be able to relax and forget about the whole weekend.
    “Yes, I do. I can see the rejection in your eyes.” He took hold of my hand. “I don’t want you to think I’m in any way doing that. I just can’t see myself, or have you see me, as a cheater. It’s not the way I’m wired. I’m going to have a talk with Mel when I get back today. Things haven’t been right between us for a while now, as you know.”
    I did know. We’d talked about it online a few times. I’d told him so many times to think about both of their happiness and end it. Naturally, it would cause pain for them both, for a bit, but if it was as bad as he said it was, they’d soon move on. I knew what it was like to stay with someone out of habit; I had two kids during a relationship like that. It wasn’t healthy for anyone involved.
    “I’m actually quite proud. It’s not an easy decision to make, regardless of what forces your hand.”
    “Thanks. But, I do want to make one thing clear because I like to think I’ve gotten to know you quite well over the last few years. I am not breaking up with Mel with the idea that the two of us . . .  well. Just know it isn’t what I expect.”
    I was unable to answer because that was the precise moment the recovery guy showed up with a can of petrol for the car. Plastering a smile on my face, I stood up to greet him.
     
    :: ::
     
    Shane:
    Once we were back on the road, the atmosphere in the car was a little tense, but I didn’t know how to make it better. Though my honesty had caused this, I didn’t like knowing I’d somehow hurt Heidi’s feelings, again.             
    “We’re almost on the outskirts. You’ll have to direct me from here.” Her voice was raised slightly to be heard over the background music from the radio, which had been the only sound since we’d left the rescue guy filling out paperwork at the side of the motorway.
    “No problem.”
    I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a moment. Her face was closed off to me whilst she concentrated on navigating us through the increasing traffic. Without thinking, I covered her hand that rested on the gear stick, and held it tightly. “I’m sorry. I’ve fucked up.” I kept my voice low, unsure if I was apologising to her or myself.
    “Don’t be. We’re both to blame here. Do what you need to do to make it right in your own head. That’s the only way you’ll be able to forgive yourself, even if Mel never does.” She turned to me and smiled.
    “How and when did you get so wise?” I hadn’t let go of her hand, and didn’t want to. The contact was relaxing and felt ‘right’, something I’d never had with Mel.
    “Being let down multiple times kind of hardens your outlook on life.” Ouch .
    “I’m sure it does.” I wasn’t sure if it was a direct snipe at me or a generalisation, but there was no way I was going to delve further into that. “Take a left here, and pull up at the corner. I’ll walk the rest of the way.” Mel catching us together would be bad and I didn’t want to risk it. She’d only take it the wrong way, even though we were innocent, at this precise moment anyway.
    “Okay.” She was still distant, but the hardness had gone from her face.
    Not long later, Heidi parked and climbed out of the car to stretch her legs, and to light a cigarette.
    “Thanks for this. I owe you big time.” My neck cricked as I spoke, making her laugh.
    “You need to