The Tao of Stress: How to Calm, Balance, and Simplify Your Life by Robert G. Santee Page B

know I can change my behavior. It
    may take a while, but I’m determined to succeed. I’ll follow your
    advice and remember to take deep breaths and let out a big sigh
    when I’m starting to feel tense. Thank you so much.”
    The next day at work Mildred went up to Sam and Penelope
    and apologized for her behavior. She explained the situation to
    them and asked them for any assistance they could provide,
    especially if she reverted back to her problematic behavior. They
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    both smiled and said they’d be happy to help. Sam then asked
    Mildred if she’d like to join them for lunch. As sense of warmth
    enveloped her and said she’d like that.
    Practice Identifying Unresolvable
    Problems
    In this exercise, you’ll reflect upon two things: unresolvable problems that you try to solve, and the people and events in your life that you try to control but cannot. On a blank page in your journal, make
    three columns. In the left- hand column, list the unresolvable problems you try to solve and the people and events you try to control but cannot. In the middle column, list the behaviors you engage in relative to those same two factors: trying to solving each of the unresolvable problems, and trying to control people and events that you cannot control. In the third column, list the feelings you experience as the result of each behavior. This kind of self- reflection is difficult. Take some time and be gentle with yourself. The point is not to criticize yourself, but to increase your awareness of your problematic behaviors and their costs.
    Next, take some time to reflect upon what you’ve written in all
    three columns. Then look at the third column and focus on anything you’ve written that indicates stress, particularly unpleasant feelings such as anger, hostility, depression, anxiety, tension, and so on. Recognize that the behavior that leads to these feelings is problematic because it doesn’t work and also causes you stress. Then ask yourself why you continue to engage in behavior that doesn’t work and that
    causes you stress.
    The next step is to remove the behaviors associated with absolute
    beliefs that you must solve all the problems you perceive and that you can control people and events so they behave according to your expectations. Removing these behaviors may seem easier said than
    done. You’re probably wondering how you can accomplish this.
    You’ve already taken the first step by becoming aware of what
    these behaviors are. Next, you need to be attentive, bringing guan to the occurrence of these behaviors. When you see and feel that
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    The Tao of Stress
    you’re starting to engage in these behaviors, simply tell yourself to stop. Don’t dwell on the behavior or the beliefs that spur it; instead, exhale with a big sigh. Sighing will change your focus and al ow you to begin to relax. Take a few complete breaths to further support your change in focus and enhance your relaxation. Then withdraw from
    the situation and do something else.
    Because you’ve probably been engaging in these behaviors for a
    long time, they may occur automatical y. This is normal. However, it does mean that it will take some time to completely disrupt this automatic response. Again, this is normal. It’s also an ongoing process.
    Throughout life, you will need to continue working on your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to simplify your life and to avoid chronic stress.
    Interlude
    Now let’s turn to the physical approach to changing behavior in order to eliminate chronic stress. Before I cover the third postures in the Baduanjin and Yijinjing Sequences, I’ll introduce brisk walking. Should you need any reassurance that you’re making progress, consider this: the simple fact that you’re learning and practicing the qigong postures, and that you’ll be adding brisk walking to your physical practices, indicates that you’re making proactive changes in your behavior.
    Practice Walking