There's a Bat in Bunk Five by Paula Danziger

things are going badly or they’re going well and I expect disaster to strike.
    The screams are getting louder. I think I’m one of the people screaming.
    It’s bedlam, absolute craziness.
    Corrine trips over Robin, who’s in the middle of the floor, curled up in a ball shape.
    Stacey yells, “Don’t kill it. Let’s try to catch it and make it the bunk mascot.”
    Someone throws a Frisbee.
    A Paddington bear flies through the air.
    Ellen’s trying to get it with her tennis racket.
    Ted gets the bat.
    Wham.
    It falls to the floor.
    He finishes off the job.
    Crunch.
    â€œI think I’m going to be sick. And they say New York City’s rough. I’ll take a cockroach to a bat any day,” Janie yells and heads outside.
    Stacey starts to cry.
    Ted comes over to me. “That was some BATtle, huh?”
    Carl and Barbara rush in.
    â€œWhat’s the problem?”
    Corrine gets off the floor and points to the mangled bat. “Ted got it.”
    â€œGood job, Ted,” Barbara says.
    â€œI just happened to be in the neighborhood and came to the rescue.” Ted bows.
    â€œMy hero!” I say. “Perhaps I should be BATting my eyes at you.”
    â€œI’ll dispose of this,” Carl says, pointing to the bat.
    â€œWe’ve got to give it a funeral and bury it.” Stacey’s still crying.
    â€œI think its last wish was to be cremated,” Ted says.
    â€œBat killer,” Stacey says and steps on his foot. “I’m never going to talk to you again.”
    Barbara explains to her about how bats may carry rabies and that Ted did the right thing.
    Ginger interrupts, “And it might have been a vampire and sucked out someone’s blood and driven that person insane. The person would then have brutally murdered every other person in this bunkand then committed suicide by throwing her body on a newly sharpened marshmallow stick.”
    â€œWarped. You’re absolutely warped. Look, let’s have the funeral and get some sleep. It’s after midnight.”
    Ginger continues anyway. “The bat’s brother and sister vampires are probably going to come here and try to avenge its death. They’ll probably get all of us and we’ll leave here with fangs.”
    â€œI wonder if my orthodontist has ever made braces for fangs,” Risa says. “Come on, Ginger. You’re just being obnoxious, as usual. Isn’t she?” She looks around, waiting for someone to say yes.
    Barbara says, “Ginger, I think you could put your active imagination to good use. Why don’t you write some of this fiction down and submit it to the magazine.”
    â€œShe’d rather try to scare everyone,” Alicia says.
    I think of how in the beginning I wanted to help her but haven’t. She’s so difficult. I don’t think she knows when to stop, what’s a joke and what’s cruel. That makes me nervous.
    Corrine brings out a shoe box and shovels the bat into it.
    We all grab flashlights and go outside.
    Everyone shines her flashlight on one spot, and Ted makes a hole in the ground with the broom handle. Then he puts the box into the ground and says, “Now, somebody’s got to say a few words.”
    â€œMe,” Risa yells and begins. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here . . .” begins Risa.
    â€œThat’s for weddings, dummy,” yells Ginger.
    â€œNo name-calling,” Barbara says softly, putting a hand on Ginger’s shoulder.
    I expect Ginger to pull away, but she doesn’t. In fact she places her hand on Barbara’s.
    Risa starts over. “We are here this evening to mourn this dearly departed bat.”
    â€œHe’s not dear,” Bobbie says.
    â€œWell, he is departed. That’s for sure.” Risa continues. “While we did not know him for long, he will leave a memory in our minds.”
    â€œNot in our hearts,” Helene says.
    Janie