Think Yourself Lucky by Ramsey Campbell

had so much luck."
    "Can't he stand up for himself? I thought they all wanted to be equal. Don't tell me, only equal in a different way. I'm not like the rest either. I make my own life."
    "I'll thank you not to talk about me as if I'm not here," Sitdown complains.
    "Hear that, he doesn't want you talking about him. Mind you, I don't know if he's up to standing up. How about it, Mr Sitdown? What do you think of your luck?"
    "I warn you, Mr Lucky." Twitch makes my name sound like a distasteful task he's required to perform. "If you continue to behave like this," he says, "I shall be forced to call someone."
    "Bring on all the security you like. I've never had a problem with them. What's the charge? Chaffing the chairbound, is it, or crushing the cripple? Or do we have to say disabling the disabled now?"
    "You're in authority round here, are you?" Sitdown has turned on Twitch. "Are you going to let him talk about the disadvantaged like that?"
    "If it's such a disadvantage maybe you shouldn't drive like you want to cripple everybody else. Or is that your way of making everybody equal?"
    "That's quite enough, Mr—" Twitch can't bring himself to say my name again. "More than enough," he says and fishes out a phone that makes his little hand look childish.
    "Are you calling the police to give Speedy here a ticket?"
    "We expect a little give and take, especially from people without difficulties. Our mission is inclusiveness."
    "I'll be including somebody and that's a promise. All right, put away your walkie-talkie. No need for talkies, little fellow. Let's all be off for walkies."
    Sitdown waits for me to start, as if he has some kind of official standing though he has no standing I can see, and then he speeds away with a mechanical whine that sums him up. As soon as Twitch stumps back into the arcade I return to offering my services with a smile, smiling because nobody knows how they'd earn them. I've handed out just a few flyers when a man reaches for one if not the entire handful. No, he's trying to gesture them back where they came from. "Pardon me," he says, though not as if he wants it. "Weren't you told you couldn't do that?"
    He's holding up his Bible like a certificate of authority or else a weapon he wants me to fear. His face isn't much less grey than his hair, and the mass of wrinkles makes it look as if he keeps it in a string bag, which has tugged his thin pale lips so straight that they're incapable of taking any other shape. "I can't pardon you," I tell him. "I'm not what you'd call an angel."
    "I asked for no pardon. I—"
    "That's a bit of a fib, isn't it? I heard you ask and I don't forget, ever. Maybe it isn't a mortal sin, but you'd better remember you're mortal."
    "I know all about sin, and I—"
    "You've tried the lot, have you? Sure you've missed none? If you can really tick them all you ought to get yourself into the record books."
    He isn't used to being interrupted. When he was haranguing everybody in the street he didn't relent for a second, however many wags and unbelievers tried to heckle him. Now his face seems to grow greyer still each time I cut off his babbling breath. "I'm talking about you," he insists. "You and your indifference to authority. You were told—"
    "No need to remind me. I heard Mr Twitch. Go on, take a breath before you choke. I don't need any myself."
    His face wriggles with disgust before resuming its default expression. "Every one of our breaths comes from God."
    "In my case you'd be surprised. Anyway, let's finish with breathing. I've helped a few people do that in my time." Before he can react to this I say "Father Greygrump, should I call you? Am I getting a personal sermon, Padre Grizzlepiss?"
    "God's word is for everyone." No doubt he thinks insults are part of the job or even one of the ways God tests him. "He gives us life," he says with a wheeze to render the pronoun respectful, "and instructs us how to live to please Him."
    "I've got someone else to please," I say and