This Could Be Rock 'N' Roll by Tim Roux

and the children and we were there first.”
    “So you want me to move back into Priory Grove?”
    “I would like you to think about it.”
    “And you would be prepared to exterminate your parents?”
    Astonishingly, Cathy laughs. “Yeah, I would even consider that.”
    I am perplexed. “What have they done to you then?”
    “They are all over Harry. They make me sick. They keep saying how good it is that you are no longer on the scene and that I now have a really worthwhile and substantial boyfriend and isn’t that great, except that this substantial boyfriend won’t stand up to his parents and I want to be with you more than anything anyway.”
    Blimey. The world does revolve after all.
    “I’ll have to think about it,” I say.
    “Don’t think about it too long.”
    We walk thoughtfully and pregnantly back to the flat where Cathy drops me at the door.
     
    You’ve got you sugar-coated memories,
    And all your silly little souvenirs.
    I’m a memento of your misery,
    Have you clung to me for all of these years?
     
    OK OK I’ll wait here by the door,
    While you go jogging back down Memory Lane.
    But no-one I know lives round there no more,
    And all that running ain’t much fun in the rain….
     
    You’re gonna find all these things out for yourself,
    And it ain’t fair of me to spoil the surprise.
    Go paint your halos on to somebody else,
    Cos honey Heaven’s just Hell in disguise.
     
    You’ve come back here looking for someone,
    Who only ever lived inside of your head.
    And any love we had is dead and gone,
    You know we killed it with the things that we said…
     
    Take your sugar-coated memories,
    And build a big bonfire outside in the street.
    Then burn whatever still reminds you of me,
    Don’t ever let the past get under your feet….
     
     

Chapter 10
     
    I am really missing the children. If I hadn’t been kicked out I would never have left them. Perhaps I should have insisted on being let back in again but the battle seemed already over before it had begun. I was trapped lying to the world, including to Cathy, and Cathy wouldn’t listen to the truth. I just couldn’t get her to hear me. She instantly went hysterical, so I thought that if I moved away for a bit, she would finally give me enough space to allow me to explain myself, but she never did. The minute I tried to describe what happened was when beer and coffee were thrown at me as I shouted over the top of her to try to make her listen to me. “Cathy, for fuck’s sake listen. Listen! You have it all fucking wrong.” Whoosh - wet face, hot chest, thrown out of pub or café.
    I tried giving sealed notes to Josh and Sam to pass on to her, but I don’t know whether she read them or not. She never responded to them and, knowing Cathy, she probably threw them away on principle. She did say once “You have no right to use the children as go-betweens”, but what else do you do when the other person won’t listen to you?
    I even thought once of grabbing Cathy, roping her to a chair, sealing her mouth with packaging tape and then shouting at her until she finally heard me. It was pure fantasy. She would never have listened to a word under those conditions, again on principle.
    So now I see Josh and Sam most weeks and we get on well (Jade gets on with them even better) and we get to cuddle each other and show affection, but I sense that we are fading, that their home is with Cathy alone and that I am becoming some friendly aunt they visit because they are told to. I want them back before it is too late and I don’t know how to do it without taking Cathy up on her offer which is out of the question. There is no way I am walking out on Jade. I could never live with myself. Getting kicked out is one thing; abandoning a woman who is pregnant with my child - what sort of scumbag would do that? If only I could prove that Harry was abusive or something. Children are always at risk to new partners, but Harry isn’t remotely abusive except of my