To the Sea (Follow your Bliss) by Deirdre Riordan Hall

on the screen including the wedding
party, the dinner, and dancing afterward. The stills of Jeremy laughing and
mugging for the camera played to the tune of Crazy in Love. His sneer enraged
Kira.
    “You
have no idea how much you’ve hurt me, from every possible angle. Just when I
thought it couldn’t hurt any more, it does. What the hell am I going to do with
you?” She sat, her legs pulled into her chest, leaning, hardly able to hold
herself up. She felt like she was scraping the bottom of a very deep chasm. She
had nothing else for him to take, alive or dead.
    “What
am I going to do?” she whispered. “Please help me. Someone. What am I going to
do?” She clasped her fingers together tightly and noticed her engagement ring
and wedding band still snuggly around her forth finger. Pulling them off, she
lifted them up into the dim light, the diamonds sparkling. She set the pair on
the coffee table in front of her and reclasped her fingers.
    She
dug deep. She went further inside herself than she’d ever gone. She called upon
God, the Father, and the Holy Spirit. She asked the eagles, the eye of the
tiger, and mother earth for help. She cried and thought the tears would keep
coming forever.
    Then
in her mind, she heard Nicole say, “Life goes on.” She clung to those words
like a raft in a roiling river of tears, the deepest well of sadness, the
maddest ocean of confusion and dismay.
    She
cried on, unaware of how much time had passed. Then sometime later, she heard a
second voice, “Just be.” She cried a bit longer, but like the tide, the
grievous swells started to subside. Little by little, calmness grew within. She
took deep breaths that seemed to fill not only her lungs, but also her head,
her arms, her legs, her entire self, inflating her like a balloon with the
promise and strength to lift her up. She breathed and breathed and then she
heard a third message. “Go to the sea.”
    After
hours that blended into one another, she climbed in the shower and washed the
past days off her skin. Chronologically, she listed everything that had
transpired since Friday night. She let each memory whirl down the drain like
rinsing off a thick coating of grime. From top to bottom, she cleansed and
reclaimed herself.
    Kira
made a cup of tea and finalized her plan. Taking the urn, if she left right
away she’d make it to the Annandale family house before sunrise, and then
continue up the coast to the beach. It felt familiar somehow. It felt right. To
the sea.
    ***
    When
Kira pulled into the circular driveway leading to the pillared Annandale home,
the stars still hung above her in the sky. She placed the urn on the front
porch with a note she’d penned at home. It read simply,
    He
belongs with you.
    Then
Kira left, hoping that part of her life was behind her, for good. As she zoomed
north, the sky lightened, and the stars slowly snuffed themselves out.
    For
the third time, she pulled into the same spot in the parking lot adjacent to
the beach. Kira watched the waves. They rolled in; they rolled out, and
continued to do so without any prompting, like the great breath of the earth.
    Surfers
appeared near the line of the horizon. Kira watched them study the mysterious
power of the ocean. The sea birds swooped and dove, calling out above the crash
of the water.
    Ian,
the helpful brown-haired surfer, took his spot on the wall. Eventually the gull
joined him too.
    Kira
emerged from the Mercedes, and the gull took flight. She took its spot on the
wall, letting the peaceful scene fill her. Kira turned to Ian who smiled
broadly, a pair of dimples hidden in his scruff.
    “Morning,”
she said.
    The
shade of his brown eyes had a depth and warmth in them that glowed like
sunlight. 
    “I
see the board is still on your roof. That’s a good sign. Getting in today?” he
asked fully suited up in a black wetsuit.
    “Not
likely,” Kira said automatically, but then added, “Well, maybe a toe.” She let
her gaze linger on him a moment,