Today & Tomorrow by Susan Fanetti Page A

delicate that he had trouble believing he wouldn’t break her, the lines of her ribs, hips, collarbones showing under that fair, freckled skin. Her small, pert tits were topped with rosy little nipples that turned hard and dark at his touch. Her pussy was beautiful, too—firm and smooth, those clear crystals just below a tidy triangle of golden hair. And so small. When he’d slid a finger into her, just one, she’d felt almost impassably tight. He would need to go slowly.
     
    He dropped his wallet on his jeans, the chain rattling as it fell. Before he could tear open the condom packet, she said, “Wait.”
     
    Maybe she was changing her mind. He’d be disappointed—crushed, even—but he wouldn’t push. “It’s okay. We don’t have to.”
     
    “No, that’s not it.” She rose up onto her elbows, and her hair slid over shoulders and swung down her back. “Can we not use that?”
     
    “What? No. I don’t want to risk anything.”
     
    “I’ve never had sex, and you can’t catch cancer. You’re safe. And it doesn’t matter if you have anything.”
     
    Sometimes the matter-of-fact way she talked about her nearing death really slapped him. “I don’t. But that’s not what I mean. Can you get pregnant?” He didn’t know if the cancer, or the treatment, would have affected that.
     
    “I guess so. Would that be a bad thing?”
     
    “Uh, yeah. Ani, what are you saying?” He sat next to her, on the side of the bed, and his cock, not at all bothered about their conversation, stuck out like a flagpole. “I don’t understand.”
     
    “I’m never gonna get to be a mom. That’s on my list, but it’s never going to happen. If I got pregnant, I’d at least get to sort of be one for a little while. I could count that.”
     
    “And then the baby would die with you.” He hated to say such a thing, so baldly true, and he hated the way she winced when he said it, but he thought she was doing what she’d done at the bar. Not thinking past the thing she wanted: her list. Her life. Her death. Forgetting that there were consequences, even if she wouldn’t be around to face them. “I can’t, Ani.”
     
    Her arms slid out from under her, and she dropped back to the bed. “Fuck. I suck. I’m sorry.” She put her hands over her face.
     
    He turned and laid his hand on her belly, which sank far below her ribs and hipbones. “It’s okay. You don’t suck.”
     
    Under her hands, she said, “I do. I’m a selfish asshole. I get it if you want to go.”
     
    “I don’t. I want to stay and…love you.”
     
    His hesitation in saying those two words had nothing to do with dishonesty. He’d hesitated because he’d realized they were true. He’d been wrong earlier. He did love her, and he was just at that moment understanding the truth of it. And the fear of it.
     
    Her hands dropped from her face. “I told you you didn’t need to say that.”
     
    “I know. I wanted to.”
     
    She smiled and laid a hand over his on her belly. “Thank you.”
     
    Bending down to kiss her, he murmured, “You still in the mood?” and brushed his lips over hers.
     
    “Oh, yes,” she breathed and sucked on his bottom lip. For someone who professed to have had one previous kissing experience, and that a bad one, she was natural.
     
    He sat back and got the condom on, feeling a little pang as he thought of what she’d wanted. To be a mom. He thought she would have made a good one someday, if she’d had the chance.
     
    Then he shook off that melancholy and moved on top of her. “You let me know if you want anything to change, okay?”
     
    Biting her lower lip, staring down between them at his cock, she nodded. He spread her legs wide, settled between them, and slid a hand under her ass, lifting her up a little. “Guide me in.”
     
    Her eyes came up to his, and he nodded his encouragement.
     
    She wrapped a hand around him, moving shyly. When he felt the soft folds of her entrance against his tip, he