Topdog / Underdog by Suzan Lori Parks

Scene One
    Thursday evening.
    A seedily furnished rooming house room.
    A bed, a reclining chair, a small wooden chair, some other stuff but not much else.
    Booth, a black man in his early 30s, practices his 3-card monte scam on the classic setup:
    3 playing cards and the cardboard playing board atop 2 mismatched milk crates.
    His moves and accompanying patter are, for the most part, studied and awkward.
     
    Booth
    Watch me close watch me close now: who-see-thuh-red-card-who-see-thuh-red-card? I-see-thuh-red-card. Thuh-red-card-is-thuh-winner. Pick-thuh-red-card-you-pick-uh-winner. Pick-uh-black-card-you-pick-uh-loser. Theres-thuh-loser, yeah, theres-thuh-black-card, theres-thuh-other-loser-and-theres-thuh-red-card, thuh-winner.
    (Rest)
    Watch me close watch me close now: 3-Card-throws-thuhcards-lightning-fast. 3-Card-thats-me-and-Ima-last. Watch-me-throw-cause-here-I-go. One-good-pickll-get-you-in, 2-good-picks-and-you-gone-win. See-thuh-red-card-see-thuh-red-card-who-see-thuh-red-card?
    (Rest)
    Dont touch my cards, man, just point to thuh one you want. You-pick-that-card-you-pick-a-loser, yeah, that-cards-a-loser. You-pick-that-card-thats-thuh-other-loser. You-pick-that-card-you-pick-a-winner. Follow that card. You gotta chase that card. You-pick-thuh-dark-deuce-thats-a-loser-other-dark-deuces-thuh-other-loser,
red-deuce, thuh-deuce-of-heartsll-win-it-all. Follow thuh red card.
    (Rest)
    Ima show you thuh cards: 2 black cards but only one heart. Now watch me now. Who-sees-thuh-red-card-who-knows-where-its-at? Go on, man, point to thuh card. Put yr money down cause you aint no clown. No? Ah you had thuh card, but you didnt have thuh heart.
    (Rest)
    You wanna bet? 500 dollars? Shoot. You musta been watching 3-Card real close. Ok. Lay the cash in my hand cause 3-Cards thuh man. Thank you, mister. This card you say?
    (Rest)
    Wrong! Sucker! Fool! Asshole! Bastard! I bet yr daddy heard how stupid you was and drank himself to death just cause he didnt wanna have nothing to do witchu! I bet yr mama seen you when you was born and she wished she was dead, sucker! Ha Ha Ha! And 3-Card, once again, wins all thuh money!!
    (Rest)
    What? Cops looking my way? Fold up thuh game, and walk away. Sneak outa sight. Set up on another corner.
    (Rest)
    Yeah.
    (Rest)
     
    Having won the imaginary loot and dodged the imaginary cops, Booth sets up his equipment and starts practicing his scam all over again.
    Lincoln comes in quietly. He is a black man in his later 30s. He is dressed in an antique frock coat and wears a top hat and fake beard, that is, he is dressed to look like Abraham Lincoln. He surreptitiously walks into the room to stand right behind Booth, who, engrossed in his cards, does not notice Lincoln right away.
     
    Booth
    Watch me close watch me close now: who-see-thuh-red-card-who-see-thuh-red-card? I-see-thuh-red-card. Thuh-red-card-is-thuh-winner.
Pick-thuh-red-card-you-pick-uh-winner. Pick-uh-black-card-you-pick-uh-loser. Theres-thuh-loser-yeah-theres-thuh-black-card, theres-thuh-other-loser-and-theres-thuh-red-card, thuh-winner. Don’t touch my cards, man, don’t—
    (Rest) Dont do that shit. Dont do that shit. Dont do that shit!
     
    Booth, sensing someone behind him, whirls around, pulling a gun from his pants. While the presence of Lincoln doesnt surprise him, the Lincoln costume does.
     
    Booth
    And woah, man dont ever be doing that shit! Who thuh fuck you think you is coming in my shit all spooked out and shit. You pull that one more time I’ll shoot you!
     
    Lincoln
    I only had a minute to make the bus.
     
    Booth
    Bullshit.
     
    Lincoln
    Not completely. I mean, its either bull or shit, but not a complete lie so it aint bullshit, right?
    (Rest)
    Put yr gun away.
     
    Booth
    Take off the damn hat at least.
     
    Lincoln takes off the stovepipe hat.
    Booth puts his gun away.
     
    Lincoln
    Its cold out there. This thing kept my head warm.
     
    Booth
    I dont like you wearing that bullshit, that shit that bull that disguise