Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute

Representative Preston Brooks brutally attacked and injured Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with a cane. The incident followed a heated address by the anti-slavery Sumner, who had specifically attacked Brooks’s relative, Senator Andrew Butler of South Carolina.
    What Happened: When the Senate adjourned, Brooks approached Sumner—who was sitting at his desk—and began striking him on the head with a cane. Sumner was trapped. To avoid the blows, he tried to rise from his bolted-down desk. His effort was so great that he literally ripped the screws from the floor.
    Result: Sumner was so badly injured that he spent the next three years recovering. Efforts to punish Brooks—who became a hero in the South—were unsuccessful. He died shortly after the attack.
    More than $1 billion worth of candy is sold in the U.S. during the Halloween season.
    TILLMAN VS. McLAURIN
    Background: On February 28, 1902, the Senate was debating a bill relating to government aid for the Philippines.
    What Happened: Senator Benjamin Tillman of South Carolina charged that “improper influences” had influenced his colleague, John McLaurin—also from South Carolina—to change his vote on the legislation. When McLaurin heard Tillman’s charges, he ran back to the Senate chambers “pale with anger” and accused Tillman of lying. Tillman lunged at McLaurin and punched him in the eye. McLaurin came back with a blow to Tillman’s nose.
    Result: A doorkeeper and several senators intervened and the gallery was immediately cleared. Later that day, both were suspended for six days for “disorderly conduct.” The fight eventually led to Senate Rule 19, which says “no Senator in debate shall, directly or indirectly, by any form of words impute to another Senator or to other Senators any conduct or motive unworthy or unbecoming a Senator.”
    ENGLE VS. THE FILIBUSTER
    Background: On June 10, 1964, one of the most dramatic votes in Senate history took place. Democratic Senator Clair Engle of California, terminally ill with a brain tumor, cast a vote from his wheelchair that led to the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. A Southern filibuster had stalled the bill on the floor of the Senate. Ending the filibuster required a two-thirds majority, and it looked like the Democrats were one vote short.
    What Happened: “Then came the moment few had expected,” The New York Times reported. “Seconds before his name was called, Senator Clair Engle of California was pushed into the chamber in a wheelchair. He was smiling slightly. ‘Mr. Engle,’ the clerk called. There was a long silence. Senator Engle, recuperating from two brain operations, tried to speak. He could not. Finally he raised his left arm, as though trying to point toward his eyes. He nodded his head, signaling that he was voting ‘aye.’ He was wheeled out of the chamber minutes later and taken by ambulance back to his home.”
    Result: The resolution passed by one vote. Nine days later, on June 19, 1964, the Senate passed the final version of the Civil Rights Act, again with Engle’s vote. A month later, “Congressman Fireball”—as Engle had once been called—died at the age of 52.
    Beauty fact: Most lipstick contains fish scales.

WISE GUY
    Have you ever heard of H. L. Mencken? In the 1920s, he was one of America’s most famous newspaper columnists. His claim to fame was his acid-tongued social commentary... as these examples demonstrate.
    “Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.”
    “Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.”
    “Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.”
    “The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.”
    “If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in