Unknown (Unknown Series Book 1) by Wendy Higgins

boxers and take him in my hand. His eyes squeezed shut for a moment as he composed himself, and then he reached for his wallet inside his jeans on the floor. Within moments he had a condom in his hand and was ripping it open with his teeth.
    Oh, my God . . . this is happening.
    I pushed down my fear. He rolled the condom on and looked me in the eyes again. This was my chance to stop him. But I didn’t. Reckless rebellion against years of nothingness urged me to push my underwear down. Ken touched me and said my name again with such adoration. He licked his fingers and touched me again. Then I felt him, right there. I held my breath as another shock of nervousness ratcheted through me.
    Ken thrust his hips and I cried out at the stinging pinch of discomfort. He must have taken my gasp as a sound of pleasure because he thrust hard again and I yelled, pressing my forehead into his chest and gripping his sides as hard as I could. My entire body went rigid. What was I doing? What was I trying to prove?
    The right man’s worth waiting for . . .
    “Ken,” I said breathlessly. “Wait. Stop.”
    His hips immediately stilled and he wrenched his head back to look at me. In a panic, I pushed him so I could sit up. He pulled out of me, making us both hiss. Then he looked down at the condom, which made me do the same. There was brownish-red on it. His head swung up to me, his eyes wild.
    “Tate? Please tell me this wasn’t your first time.”
    I opened my mouth to lie, to tell him I was on my period or something, but I hesitated too long.
    “Fuck,” he whispered. He hung his head, pressing his face into his hands.
    “I’m sorry,” I whispered. My head suddenly cleared as all traces of lust faded. I spotted my underwear on the floor and snatched them up, shoving my legs into them. I was trembling all over as I tried to find the correct holes for my arms and head in my shirt.
    “I didn’t even think . . .” Ken stuttered. “I wouldn’t have been so . . .”
    “It’s okay,” I said. But it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have let it go so far. “It’s my fault. I should have told you.”
    “Amber . . .”
    Once my legs were in my shorts again, I headed for his bathroom and closed myself in. I splashed cold water on my face, breathing hard, refusing to look at myself in the mirror. How could I go out there and face him again? I was humiliated, and I hated that he obviously felt guilty for being rough with a virgin.
    Oh, my God . . . I wasn’t a virgin anymore. Did it matter? Kind of. I’d just always thought it would be different. I’d only ever imagined being with Rylen . . . I shook my head at that lost dream, and felt a moment of irrational anger toward Ry, as if he were to blame for my actions. I stood upright and shook my arms out, releasing a deep breath.
    Unless I planned to live in his bathroom, I had to get back out there. Ken stood in his living room, completely dressed. His eyes were full of remorse, which made me look away. The room spun a little from the buzz that clung to me.
    “I think I should go home,” I said.
    “Tate.” He came forward and took my hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t even . . . I didn’t expect this to happen.”
    “I know,” I said. I’d taken us both by surprise. “I didn’t either.”
    “Are you mad at me?”
    I looked into his eyes and said strongly, “No. I’m not mad, Ken. I swear.”
    “But you think it was a mistake.” I watched him swallow hard. I knew he wanted me to say no, that it wasn’t a mistake. That I liked him and wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t give him false hope. I, for one, knew how much false hope really hurt someone.
    “I thought I was ready, but I was wrong. That’s on me, not you. It’s not because of anything you did. You’re . . . awesome. I’m a mess.” I tried to smile, but he looked like I’d kicked him in the balls. I’d totally left him hanging. I let out a trembling sigh. “Can you take me to my car?”
    He was silent a second,