Unprotected by Kristin Lee Johnson

how they work, and maybe someday would lead her on a path to having a family of her own.
    At least that was the plan in college, before she was actually hired to be a social worker and found herself stupidly staring at Jake outside a courtroom, and her only thought was to run. Run away from memories and emotions so strong they rocketed through her and felt like they could blow her toes off.
    Amanda had not allowed herself to think about Jacob much in the past five years since she ran out of his home. During her freshman year in college, Amanda was too drunk or stoned to give him a second thought. With the partiers she had met on her co-ed floor, Amanda had allowed herself to become one of them. They drank in their rooms watching Monday night football, and they went to house parties every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night without fail. Her friends were wild, fun, and superficial, never asking one another about their families, friends, or childhoods. It was absolutely perfect for Amanda, and it allowed Jake to become a distant memory.
    By her junior year, Amanda’s stomach was raw from the alcohol, her tolerance to booze was scaring her, and she hadn’t accumulated enough prerequisites in any program to declare a major. She settled down and found that psychology and social work classes appealed to her the most. She did enough reading that she gave herself a few diagnoses from her psychology texts. The social work classes taught her what should have happened and who should have intervened to help her and her mom. She had found a purpose, but without the partying to distract her, she was left with an aching, lonely hole in her gut. She had gradually learned to tolerate that hole, but hoped someday to fill.
    It took Amanda five years to graduate with all the lost time from her first two years. During Amanda’s fourth school year, she met Lucy Ramirez, and they connected and complimented each other. Where Lucy was timid with speeches and speaking her mind, Amanda was fearless, already having conquered many demons scarier than stage fright. Where Lucy was full of love and heart and family, Amanda felt empty and cold except when she was with Lucy, whose heart seemed to beat strong enough for both of them. Lucy was the oldest of five sisters, and a second generation Mexican American. Lucy’s entire family embraced Amanda and welcomed her to their home for holidays. It was impossible not to think of Trix when she went to their home and Lucy’s mother, Rosie, doted on Amanda, feeding her until she was stuffed. But even then, the thoughts of Jake had been pushed far back, because the pain and regret were too much to bear.
     
    * * *
     
    Until now, when Jake re-emerged in her life as a work colleague, Amanda was hyperventilating so severely she thought she might faint. At least an hour passed with Amanda walking as far away from her office building as she could. She concentrated on her breathing, got into a rhythm with her footsteps and her breaths. Hearing the first fallen leaves swishing under her feet, feeling the crisp air warming a bit in the thin autumn sun, smelling cut grass and fresh asphalt, Amanda’s mind finally quieted. She stopped and stretched, and then forced herself to think.
    Amanda couldn’t let her fear take away the chance to do something meaningful and real. It was true that she accepted this job more for herself than to help anyone else, but helping people was important too. And another truth was emerging: she wanted to see Jake again. Going back was the only option that made any sense.
    Slowly Amanda wandered back to work and tried to be nonchalant as she made her way to her cubicle. She tried to walk past her supervisor, Max, who was in his office with Leah, but Max waved her in.
    Max was, in a word, fantastic. When Amanda interviewed with him she was immediately at ease because he always smiled and seemed unflappable. He looked vaguely like Barack Obama, without the protruding ears, and was often asked