Waterways by Kyell Gold Page A

that begged to be stroked and held. It didn’t feel wrong; it was the fact that he wanted it and knew it was forbidden… but why was it forbidden, exactly?
    Samaki would, presumably, not mind. And Kory had finally admitted that he wanted to try. So what was he afraid of? God? Maybe, at first, but after talking to Father Joe, he wasn’t so sure. His friends? They didn’t have to know. Nick? Nick wouldn’t care. His mother? Yeah, his mother would freak. If she knew. But since turning about eleven, had he let that stop him from doing anything?
    He opened his eyes and stared up at the blue and white tiled ceiling, fifteen feet above his head. Could it be that simple? He could just try it once. He could try it, and then the dreams and the images would go away. And if they didn’t… he would deal with it then.
    The tiles of the ceiling seemed to come into sharp focus. Had he just decided to sleep with another guy? It had happened so smoothly and quickly that he hadn’t even been aware of the decision; he’d just turned around from the other side to find himself looking back across the line. What surprised him, too, was how the tension had drained from his body, as though he were one with the water. He dropped his arms to his sides, felt the eddies ruffle his fur as his arms slid downward. Sleep with Samaki. Well, not necessarily that; at least let himself go a little further than just touching paws. He rolled the idea around in his mind, getting used to it, finding that the shivers of wrongness were fading. It didn’t have to be anything sexual, even, come to that. Just hugging, maybe. He’d give the fox a hug.
    Yeah, right. He snorted at himself. At least, he felt, it was important to draw the line between experimenting and actually being gay. He just wanted to experiment. Nothing wrong with that.
    Having made the decision, though, he found that it was unexpectedly difficult to work out how to carry it out. Because of his clumsy protestation of heterosexuality, he felt embarrassed enough; on top of that, how was he to initiate anything in the first place? He tried to recall how things had started with Jenny, and was annoyed to find gaps in his memory. They’d gone to the movies, something they’d done many nights before, but that night, they’d kissed, and groped. After that it was natural that the next time his mom was away, Jenny would come over and they would go further.
    What had happened at that dinner? Or just after? He couldn’t remember. The time had just been right. Or maybe she’d made the first move. He tried to picture scenarios in his head, but each one seemed more awkward and bumbling than the last. When he realized that his thoughts were getting to the point where his swimsuit wasn’t hiding them very well, he got out of the water and walked slowly home.
    There was a message from Samaki, of course. It had arrived right after Kory’d left to see Father Joe, and he hadn’t checked before heading to the pool. He smiled, reading it. The fox didn’t ask if things were still okay in so many words; he talked about what a fun night he’d had and how his mom would be happy to have Kory over the following Friday night if he still wanted to come. That last part made Kory write back right away. Of course I still want to come, silly, he said. I’m pretty sure as long as I’m not grounded I can come.
    The problem wasn’t that he wouldn’t be allowed to come over, the problem was that he wouldn’t be allowed to stay over. It’d be easier if they had time, if they didn’t have to separate by ten. Then he wouldn’t be rushed into doing more than he wanted to. He thought about that while doing homework, and then chatted with Samaki for a couple hours after dinner about the second Foundation book, the one in which the Mule shows up and messes up all of Seldon’s predictions. Only once did the previous night’s topic come up, when Kory assured Samaki that everything was cool, even though they wouldn’t be