What Hides Within by Jason Parent Page B

Allen could angle his head to see through it. But he didn't question it, more or less happy for his clean bill of health, but suddenly self-conscious about his nose hair. Still, he had to make sure his health was as good as Dr. Allen claimed it to be.
    "Doctor," Clive started to say, unsure if he wanted to confide in the erratic individual before him. "This may sound weird, but could something be living in there?"
    "In where? Your ear? Yes, it's possible. Unlikely, but possible. I've read some articles about the occasional insect, a cockroach, maggots in an infection, and a spider once or twice. How do you think the earwig got its name? It gives me chills just thinking about it."
    "Let's suppose, hypothetically, that someone came in claiming to have a spider living in his ear. Is there anything you could do for him?"
    "There have only been a few documented cases of spiders living in human ears of which I am aware. One was a boy in Oregon. Doctors couldn't tell how long they had been in there. Pretty dirty if you ask me. Another was some Greek motorcyclist who noticed a problem almost as soon as she put on her helmet. Of course, it's probably far more common, with spiders just walking in and out without anyone noticing. No harm, no foul. And even if it does decide to make a home in there, it's an easy fix. You just flush it out. The boy I mentioned, one of his came out alive."
    "One of his?"
    "He had a pair of them living in his ear. The other one didn't make it."
    "Can you do that for me?"
    "Flush your ears? Sure, but you're wasting your time. For the sake of argument, let's say you had a spider in there. It appears to have already left. Your ears look clean and healthy. I see nothing clogging them."
    Clive blocked his left ear with his palm and began to whistle. He noticed then, for the first time, that his hearing was back to normal. He wondered how long he'd been able to hear without obstruction, overjoyed by the revelation. Maybe this guy isn't such a quack after all.
    Still, Clive wasn't taking any chances. "Please, Dr. Allen. Could you flush my ears, just in case?"
    "No problem, but it'll cost you extra."
    "Seriously?"
    "No. Got you again, though. I'll get the solution."
    Clive waited impatiently as Dr. Allen fiddled with some bottles filled with unknown liquids by the room's sink. He returned moments later with an oversized eye dropper and what appeared to be baby oil.
    "Tilt your head back," Dr. Allen instructed. Clive did as ordered. Yet, Dr. Allen stood motionless.
    "Better yet, let's do this over the sink."
    Clive hung his head sideways over the sink as Dr. Allen squirted solution up his ear with his giant turkey baster. The liquid rushed back out of Clive's ear as quickly as it had jettisoned up it. They repeated the process for Clive's left ear.
    You're wasting your time , a familiar voice echoed behind Clive's eyes.
    "Fuck you," Clive muttered.
    "Pardon me?"
    "Oh, sorry. Not you, Dr. Allen. I'm--this is going to sound crazy--but I'm hearing voices, too. Well, just one voice, actually."
    "And you just heard it?"
    "I did, yes, for a second there. Pretty crazy, huh?"
    "Mr. Menard, there are a number of medical problems that may result in hearing voices or other hallucinations. You're not necessarily insane. Only most likely. However, that's a bit beyond my area of expertise. If we're done here, I'll refer you to someone who can perform a CT scan. There will be an additional fee for that, of course."
    "Ha! Not this time. I'm not falling for that one twice."
    "Unfortunately, this time I'm not joking."
    "Seriously?"
    "No, not seriously."
    "Damn, you got me again."
    "Nope, now I got you. There really is a fee."
    Asshole. "Alright. Set it up, if you think it's necessary."
    "Mr. Menard, if you're hearing voices, it's necessary. I'll have them rush you in early next week."
    "Is that it then?"
    "Yep. Your ears, nose and throat all seem fine. My work here is done. It's your head that appears to be fucked up."
    "Is that the