What Hides Within by Jason Parent

said, handing Clive a folded blue cloth. "Put this on." She disappeared as abruptly as she had arrived, leaving a disgruntled Clive standing speechless with hospital gown in arms.
    You've got to be kidding me. He's an ear, nose and throat doctor. Why do I need to take any clothes off? It's not like I came in wearing a ski mask to foil my own examination. Maybe I should take off all my clothes and wrap them around my head. That'll teach him not to make me where this stupid thing.
    Clive looked at the flimsy gown, weightless and exposing. With sadness, he concluded that fighting the system would get him nowhere. He reluctantly undressed.
    Another hour passed, which he partly spent defiantly wiping his naked backside all over the sheet of paper covering the exam table, before he heard a second knock at the door. This had better be the doctor , he thought. He hopped off the table, placing his sockless feet on the cold and not-quite-sterile floor.
    "Good morning, Mr. Menard," a tall, shrewd-looking man greeted. His thin-rimmed spectacles clung by a few skin cells to the edge of his nose. His hair was black and oily, slicked into a part from right to left, poorly covering signs of his oncoming baldness. His long, white lab coat and air of superiority told Clive all he needed to know.
    "I'm Dr. Allen."
    Are you sure it's still morning? Clive kept his sarcasm to himself. He extended his hand in salutation. "Clive. Nice to meet you."
    "What can we do for you today, Clive?"
    "We? Am I seeing someone else, too?"
    "No, I just meant it in the . . . never mind. Nope, you're stuck with me."
    That should be enough chitchat , Clive guessed. He wanted to get to the business at hand. "Well, I've been having this problem with my ear--"
    Dr. Allen chuckled, interrupting Clive with curious amusement. "It says here that you're allergic to honey." Dr. Allen perused Clive's paperwork. It quickly became evident that he was paying Clive no attention. "That's too funny."
    "Why? Is that a problem?"
    "Hmm? Uh, no, not at all. My sister is allergic to honey. Maybe you know her. She's about your age."
    Why should I know her? Because she and I are both allergic to honey? What a strange man. What's this guy think? That all people who are allergic to honey gather like bees . . . bad analogy . . . like whatever else that gathers into one big social network?
    He hung his head to hide his disgust. What a fucknut. I wonder if it's too late to see Richard Gere.
    Again, Clive was polite enough to keep his thoughts to himself. "Maybe," he said, humoring Dr. Allen. "What's her name?"
    "It's Margaret Bayliss now, but it used to be Margaret Allen."
    Holy shit! I did know a Margaret Allen . "Did she go to Durfee High about thirteen years ago? Distance runner for the track team?"
    "That's the one."
    "Well, tell her Clive Menard says, 'Hi,' would you?"
    "I'm afraid I can't do that. She passed away a few years back. I just like to talk about her as though she's still with us. Makes me feel better, you know?"
    Is everyone in this office a cocksucker? "I'm sorry to hear that. May I ask how it happened?"
    "Certainly."
    Clive and Dr. Allen shared expressions of expectancy. After a few seconds of silence, Clive realized he actually had to ask how it happened.
    "How did it happen?"
    "Allergic reaction to honey."
    Dr. Allen flipped through his chart, seemingly unaware of his own inanity. Clive hadn't seen a doctor in years, so his chart was probably no more than a few blank pages strewn together behind an intake form. A confirming glance later, and Clive wanted to take a swing at the empty-headed physician.
    After a few moments of perusing absolutely nothing, Dr. Allen returned his attention to Clive. "Let's have a look in that mouth, shall we?"
    Here we go with this "we" thing again. But Clive had bigger problems to tackle than Dr. Allen's grammar. He put it out of his mind.
    "My problem is with my ear."
    "Mr. Menard, may I remind you that I'm the doctor here."
    Dr. Allen removed