What Would Satan Do? by Anthony Miller

will turn its focus elsewhere in the interest of providing Liam and Anna with a bit of privacy.  Should the reader feel disappointment at the lack of description of turgidity, chiseled bits of anatomy, or things that are pulsing or quivering, well, this just isn’t that kind of story.  Sorry.

    Even with Anna’s constant stream of fantastical schemes, Liam managed to put together an impressive record in college.  In his third year he applied for and won a Rhodes Scholarship, which he planned to use to study in London.  This, of course, seemed too pragmatic to Anna and was a bit of a source of tension between them.
    After three years of struggling to bridge the gulf between his relatively regimented, practical world and Anna’s patchouli-scented, boat-on-a-river-and-looking-glass-eyes lifestyle, Anna announced that she was leaving for a semester in Spain.  She told him that it would give them both time to figure things out.
    “I’m leaving for a semester abroad in Spain,” she said.  “That’ll give us both some time to figure things out.”
    Over the next couple months, the combination of college-student budget and high long-distance rates, coupled with busy schedules and a seven-hour time difference, meant that he and Anna didn’t talk much.  Liam received the occasional post card from Anna, telling him that she was off with a band of gypsies, or had joined a mime troupe.  In her most recent missive, she’d announced her intention to join a group of neo-revolutionaries led by a charismatic fellow named Alejandro.  She’d signed off with a simple “¡VIVA!”
    So Liam hunkered down and came to some decisions in those few months alone.  He decided that although he didn’t particularly care for Inuits, Daniel Day Lewis, or the plight of circus clowns, Anna was probably his soul mate.  He determined that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, even if it meant he had to live in a yurt.  So he called up the Rhodes Scholarship people, thanked them kindly, and declined their generous offer.  Then he finished up his now seemingly pointless exams and rushed to the airport to pickup Anna.
    As he waited outside of customs in the international terminal at Logan airport, he thought about how much nicer the terminal was than the domestic terminals, how much bigger the crowds were, and how awesome this was going to be.  Then he saw Anna stride through the walkway with her easy, carefree grace – she was beautiful.  She seemed to glide up to him. 
    “Welcome back!” he said.
    “Oh, hey!  Hi!”  Anna seemed surprised to find him waiting there for her.  They hugged, but their embrace was awkward.
    “I got these for you,” he said, handing her some flowers he’d picked up on the way to the airport.  He’d never bought her flowers before, and she regarded them with a wary eye, as if there might be zombie rodents hiding between the snapdragons and baby’s breath.
    “Thanks,” she said, tucking them into the gaping maw of her fashionable handbag.  After a pause and more awkwardness, she said, “I’ve got big news!”  She held up her hand, displaying a gaudy engagement ring.
    “Whoa, a ring!  Holy crap, would you look at that!”
    “That’s my news!  I got engaged!”  She clapped a tiny, hyperactive golf clap.
    There are very few moments in life where you actually feel like the world is spinning; when the floor seems to forget for a second that it’s supposed to stay down on the bottom and starts dancing around all crazy.  This, for Liam, was one of those moments.  His face felt hot, and it seemed like somebody cranked up the volume of all the conversations and background noise in the terminal.  The carpet pitched and swayed, apparently getting down to some old Motown track.
    “Damned floor,” he muttered, lunging for a nearby railing.
    “What?” she said.
    He looked at the crazy, crazy blonde woman in front of him.  The psychotic bitch.  Where she was once tall and