Who We Were Before by Leah Mercer

living together almost half that time. The days have gone by, from one to the next, with no arguments or angst. It’s an easy, natural flow that makes me think that, at this moment, we truly belong together. Okay, so he could tidy up those bloody toast crumbs each morning, and possibly be more adventurous in bed (I’m working on that!).
    But on the big stuff, we’re in sync, both happy taking things as they come. You can’t really do much else, can you? Not if you want to live an emotionally honest life. Edward hasn’t brought up marriage since that moment at Kate’s wedding, and to be honest, he was so drunk, I don’t think he remembers. I’m sure he’d have mentioned it if it was really important – he’s not the type to keep things to himself.
    I start smiling as I catch sight of Edward on our bench, his long limbs stretched out in front of him, and I force my legs faster. Even though I just saw him this morning before I left for work, I can’t wait to throw my arms around him and give him a huge kiss. I never want us to be one of those couples who stop touching.
    ‘Hey!’ I throw myself onto his lap, loving how I fit against his body. We shouldn’t, really – he’s tall and lean while I’m the definition of short and curvy – but somehow, it works.
    ‘Happy anniversary,’ he says, leaning down to kiss me on the lips.
    ‘So what are we doing tonight?’ I begged him to let me organise the date, but he insisted, saying he had a special plan. Since I’m usually the one spearheading our outings, it’s kind of nice to let him take the wheel. Although he never says anything, I know he sometimes finds the shows I drag him to a little baffling. I smother a tiny giggle as I remember his expression last week, when the all-male cast of a gay musical dropped their trousers in sync.
    ‘Well.’ His chest expands as he takes a deep breath. He swings me off his lap in one motion and gets to his feet. Slowly, he lowers himself to one knee, and my mouth drops open. Oh, no. No! He’s not going to propose, is he? I thought . . . I thought . . . I gulp, forcing back the bile building in my throat.
    Whatever I thought, I was wrong.
    Fear grabs my gut as he draws out a small velvet box. I want to yell, want to shout at him not to do this, not to ruin what we have, but my mouth is dry. All I can hear is my pulse in my ears as he cracks open the top, revealing a diamond nestled in between two entwined bands. It’s an absolutely gorgeous ring, one I’d love to wear, but I don’t want to wear the sentiment attached to it. I can’t .
    My stomach churns and for a second, I think I’m going to be sick.
    ‘This past year has been the best in my life,’ Edward says, his voice shaking. I’m dying to reach out and steady him, to tell him it’s okay, but it’s not okay. I don’t know where we can go from here, but I have a feeling it won’t be good.
    ‘And, well, I don’t want it to end.’ He clears his throat, and I know I have to do something. I have to stop him before he actually asks me to marry him. I don’t want those words to get out, and for me to reject them. Because it’s not him I’m rejecting, but I’m not entirely sure he’ll see it that way. ‘I know we haven’t talked about this, but—’
    ‘Edward.’ My voice emerges as a croak. ‘Come sit beside me.’ I grab his hand and try to tug him up, but he resists.
    ‘Just wait a second,’ he says, trying to free his hand.
    ‘No, really, sit here.’ I give another pull, but still he doesn’t budge. God, this will descend into farce soon. ‘Please.’
    My voice must sound desperate, because he gets to his feet then sinks down beside me, defeat written all over his face. I turn towards him, my heart pounding. ‘I love you, you know that. Right?’
    He nods, his eyes fixed on mine.
    ‘And we’re happy together. Amazingly happy. This year has been one of the best of my life, too.’
    Edward nods again slowly. ‘Exactly. So don’t you