examined the body that was almost certainly the remains of Grampa Ned. I set the fudge bar, still in its wrapper, on the table. For a moment I felt queasy, and I forced myself to breathe slowly. Calm down, I told myself. But my mind was not calm. What was Grampa Ned doing there? Who hit him on the head?
Kerry wandered in and looked around. He got himself a cup of coffee and came to sit across from me.
I leaned back in my chair, welcoming this distraction. âCoffee?â I asked. âThis late?â
âI wonât sleep anyway.â He pulled a small round container from his Nomex pants. I watched as he opened it, pulled out a pinch of chewing tobacco between two fingers, and stuffed it between his lip and his lower jaw.
I knew that Kerry had struggled with this vice for years before giving it up. He called it âdipping,â and he had tried several times to quit before he met me. Finally, heâd used a course of nicotine patches, and that had worked, or seemed to haveâhe had not had a dip in the year and four months that Iâd known him. Until now.
I leaned forward and reached across the table to stroke his hand.
He seemed nervous about being touched. âI had to have a dip,â he said. âI got a can at the gas station in Arboles.â
âI know. Iâm stressed, too.â
He pointed at the table. âYour ice cream bar is melting.â
âIâm not hungry.â I got up and threw the fudge bar into a trash container, then returned to sit down.
âYeah, me either.â
âI almost cried when I saw Mountain a little while ago.â
âYou saw Mountain? Here?â
âOh, I forgot, we havenât had time. Heâs with Momma Anna up at the Native American ceremonies on top of Chimney Rock.â
âOh, thatâs not good. We donât have good containment on that side. Just because the fireâs moving north now doesnât mean it wonât blow out on the east again if we donât get a good fire break in there somehow.â
âI know. I guess theyâve established some trigger pointsâfactors that will determine if and when the Indians have to evacuate.â
âLetâs hope theyâre right, and itâs enough time to get everybody down.â
âGod, what a day. The woman whoâs coming to debrief us should be here any time now.â
He gave a snort. âYeah, thereâs a real waste of time. As if I didnât have enough to do with this fire going like it is. Man, Iâve never seen a wildfire like this one. Itâs been totally unpredictable. This thing has run as fast downhill as it does uphill, which a fire never does. Itâs spotted way out beyond the lines, embers flying like tracer bullets.â
I tipped my head to one side and looked at the man with whom I often shared my spare time, my bed, and my most intimate thoughts. âYou okay?â
He pulled up. âWhy do you keep asking me that?â
âA lot has happened today. You seem really amped up.â
âIâm amped up? Youâre the one who said you almost cried. Listen, there were firefighters in the burn and I couldnât get to them. Donât I have a right to be concerned when thereâs an enemy out there Iâm supposed to fight, and I canât figure out a way to fight it?â Heâd raised his voice enough that crew members walking past were staring into the chow tent.
I was quiet a moment. âOf course you have a right to feel concerned. Iâm justââ
âIâm fine, okay?â He gave a false grin. âStop worrying about me.â
âYou mentioned Somalia earlier.â
âWhat?â
âYou mentioned being close to a helicopter in Somalia.â
âWhen?â
âWhen we were driving back to Fire Camp, in the truck.â
He looked confused. âWell, I was probably talking about working around the