Ghost on Black Mountain by Ann Hite

and hidden for a while.

Sixteen

February 5, 1939
We got a good thaw. Thank you Lord. I intend to walk to church. Maybe this week I can start turning the ground over for my garden. I’ve done some thinking on my questions to God. First, I can’t blame Him for all my mistakes. Mama says He gave us free will. But I ain’t letting Him off the hook on the free will thing. It ain’t right to create humans and then just let them go like a couple of fighting cocks in a chicken pen. We’re bound to scratch our way out one way or another. Hobbs is a fighting cock if ever I seen one. He’ll spur you in a minute. I may be a girl but it don’t mean I can’t fight. I’m going to make me a place right here on this mountain. Folks around here have to like me. I’m just as plain as them. I’m going to see my mama too. Maybe I can find the courage to ask Jack to take me. But who am I kidding? That’s just a fairy story. If Hobbs finds out, he’ll hurt Mama. I can’t let that happen.
    I chose one of my better dresses, a yellow one with light-pink trim, and then tamed my thick curls into a long braid. Iset out walking to church. It was so warm I thought spring had come to stay. No one at church acted surprised to see me, even though I hadn’t been since Christmas Eve. At home going to church was like a law that wasn’t written down in the Good Book. I took me a seat in the back. Jack was sitting in his regular pew a few rows up. I let him be. The music was perfect for all that was ailing my soul. There ain’t nothing like being alone day after day to get a girl to inspecting her life from the inside out. For one thing, I was a terrible judge of character. For another, I believed anything some sweet-talking fellow told me.
    The good pastor stood in the pulpit with wild eyes. He was rumpled and looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He yelled and screamed so I couldn’t understand what direction he was headed, but the congregation seemed to move with his flow, rocking back and forth in their seats.
    When church was over, I scooted out the doors, hoping to leave without too much notice. The pastor grabbed my hand. “It’s so nice to have you here with us, Mrs. Pritchard. I haven’t been able to catch you on your previous visits.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You must see my wife, Lydia. She has a ladies’ group, and I know she’s wanted you to join for some time now.” He looked me up and down. “All our fine ladies belong.” He pulled his wife to his side, interrupting her talk with one of the women. “Lydia, this is Mrs. Pritchard. We’re so happy to have her here. I told her she needed to visit your ladies’ group. Its main purpose is to bring women closer to God. As we know from the Bible, this has always been a weakness for females. They wander away so easily.”
    I stared at him. Did he say that to me?
    Lydia plastered a smile on her face and stepped in front of the pastor. “Why, Mrs. Pritchard, we would love to have you inour little group. Ignore the pastor and his thoughts on women. They are from the last century.”
    The pastor had moved on to talk with others in his flock.
    “We meet this coming Wednesday at my house. The topic will be ‘How to Make My Home More Prayerful.’ We have a wonderful fellowship together.” She took my hand in her icy fingers.
    When I looked into her eyes, I saw her mocking me. “I’m very busy.” How stupid was that? They all knew I was alone with not one thing to do.
    “Oh, I know you are, but us proper ladies must show the others the way.” She cocked her eyebrow at me. “Maybe your wonderful, handsome brother-in-law would be so kind to bring you.” She smiled at Jack, who had come to stand at my left.
    “Nellie knows I’ll take her anywhere she needs to go.”
    “Good then, I plan to see you.” She looked at me.
    Jack took my elbow. “Come, Sister-in-law. I’ll give you a ride home.”
    Lydia Dobbins frowned. “I do hope to see you, Mrs. Pritchard. It will