Wilder (The Renegades) by Rebecca Yarros

of my self-control to keep from leaning in to him. Paxton might not be able to help that he was naturally seductive, but I could sure as hell not help him along. “The water is sucked in through the WaveRunner, and then forced out through the hoses under the board. See Nova?”
    Landon’s Renegade name was enough to remind me that we were on camera, and I moved away from Paxton as the boat slowed to a stop outside a circle of WaveRunners. “How high is he?”
    “About fifty feet.”
    “Holy shit.”
    “We’re going to get them higher.”
    I walked to the deck railing. “Why would you want to?”
    “Because it’s never been done.” His face was set in determined lines, but his eyes were bright with excitement. “At least not how we’re going to do it.”
    “Who is this ‘we’?” My stomach dropped at the same rate Landon did as he dove under the water, only to pop back up like a dolphin twenty feet away.
    “You don’t even want to try?” He had the nerve to look wounded.
    “Did you forget the part where I told you I don’t do heights?” I asked, a knot already forming in my chest, tightening with each breath at the thought of doing…that.
    “Yeah, but you did the zip-line, so I thought maybe…”
    “No.” I shook my head so hard my scalp hurt from where my bun tugged. “There’s zero chance in hell.”
    “Oh, come on. I went down into your cave.”
    Bobby snorted behind me, and I knew exactly what meaning he was taking out of that…what the cameras just heard.
    “Crystal Cave. Bermuda, jackass,” Paxton immediately corrected his production manager, as if he couldn’t stand to have them thinking he’d…well…explored me. I couldn’t decide if I was flattered or pissed off.
    Pissed won. “There was nothing dangerous about that.”
    “I’ll teach you. It’ll be fun. I brought you a wet suit and everything.”
    Great, now he sounded like I’d Grinched his Christmas presents. “Well, I’m sure it will fit Brooke.”
    “Oh hell no, I’m not going out there,” she said from her lounge chair, already relaxed with a Kindle in her hand.
    “She has the right idea.”
    “Don’t you want to conquer your fears?” Paxton asked me, undeterred. He turned me around to face him, pops of electricity rushing from where his hands held my upper arms to stutter my heart.
    My eyes darted to the cameras, and he sighed but got the point. He took my hand and led me through a door to go below the deck and into a sumptuous bedroom. I wasn’t done gawking at the ornate woodwork or luscious fabrics before he lit into me. “Are you going to be afraid your whole life? You’re about to pass on a once-in-a-lifetime experience over what? A little anxiety about height? You control the height; you don’t have to do what we’re doing.”
    A little anxiety? God, just the thought of being that high had me ready to vomit on this pristine carpet. There wasn’t even anything to hold on to.
    “Afraid my whole life? Newsflash, Paxton, you don’t fucking know me. You have no clue what I think or feel, but you might if you so much as asked before you tried to shove me at insane things I would never consider.” Can’t consider.
    “Forgive me for trying to bring you out of your shell a little, Leah.”
    Wait. How did he get off looking hurt?
    “You’re not bringing me out, you’re breaking me. If you had any idea—” My throat closed as the images broke past my carefully constructed walls and assaulted me. The sight of the canyon beneath me, the steady drip of blood, the nauseating sound of metal against rock…it was all there, as fresh as it had been two years ago. When I looked up, Paxton’s blue eyes had somehow morphed into Brian’s brown ones, my own hallucination more punishing to my soul than the zip-line had ever dreamed of being. My eyes slammed shut, and I forced air into my lungs with a gross sucking sound.
    “Leah.” Paxton’s whisper sounded strangled, and he pulled me against his chest,