Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) by Ashley Parker

was it. I was losing it.
    My slow movements warranted Caleb’s kindness. I really didn’t deserve him.
    “Let me help you.” Caleb tucked his arm under my legs and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Dr. Nyssa’s face showed disapproval, but she kept it to herself, poorly. We left the clinic and Dr. Nyssa to continue her work.
    “You have dropped some weight. You’re practically back down to the weight you were when you came to live here.” He frowned.
    “How much was that?”
    “About 90 or so. Just a wee thing.” He physically shuddered, vibrating against me.
    “I haven’t lived here long, have I?” I rested my head on his shoulder.
    He sighed. “No, you haven’t. I hope you’ll stay, though. It was nice before,” he said with regret.
    “What happened?” I asked drifting in and out of sleep.
    “I wasn’t there to protect you. I promised I would be there for you and I let you down,” he tucked me into bed. I reached up to caress his face but he stopped me.
    “I’m sure you did everything you could.”
    “It wasn’t enough. Now go to sleep.”
    He was gentle as he tucked me in with the sheet prepped on the bed. The nights ended with screams and drenched sheets. I didn’t need anything more than a thin layer.
    He turned to leave. My stronger hand snapped out before I could talk myself out of the very possible thing that would break me for the rest of my life if I was rejected. I relived a world of darkness daily and it was the possibility of rejection that might break me.
    “If I asked you to stay with me tonight…”
    He stood facing the door, my hand on his wrist. I smelled clean with a hint of chlorine, but I could take another shower and my fresh sheets were inviting, but that wasn’t what he was contemplating. He said nothing as his head lowered.
    The air in my lungs were in short supply. I had no choice but to remove my hand from his arm. I rolled over wrapping myself tighter with the white sheet. I held in the tears until I heard the door click closed.
    Before an embarrassing sob escaped my mouth, the heated bare skin and smell of strawberries slipped under the sheet and wrapped around me. His breath against my ear weakened my knees.
    “Sleep.”
    I closed my eyes.
    “Eva, come on. Wake up.” He forced my eyes open.
    “Sleep?” I mumbled.
    The darkness faded as Caleb face came into focus. Relief.
    “You weren’t sleeping.” His fine figure straddled my legs. This was a better dream; much better dream.
    He was breathing in a panic; a slight wetness glistened off his moving abdomen. I counted the ripples perfectly sculpted on his stomach. Four…Five…Six…a slight hint of a seventh and eighth bump pulled my attention as my hand eased up to touch him.
    “Eva?” He placed his hand on my mine. He didn’t remove it or guide it, he was just feeling my hand feeling his stomach.
    His breathing was differently paced than before. I braced myself on my elbow and moved my hand up to his chest. The pounding against my palm forced my fingers to tighten against his peck.
    “Eva,” he breathed out.
    I slid my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine. The strength in his form did not battle me. He held himself up, his hands on either side of my head as I held his gaze.
    “Mmmm, strawberries.” The grin peering over his face wiggled in his ears.
    I played with my lips, a small nibble, as I slid my hand into his hair. I bucked my thighs into him, sending the most obvious hint that he, luckily, understood. The little effort needed to move his legs between mine hardly registered in his muscular shoulders.
    He whispered my name again as I wrapped my legs around his lower torso. The tension in his shoulders eased as he shifted his lower half slightly until our bodies fit perfectly together.
    “You stayed.” I spoke only now realizing I was in complete control. I wasn’t allowed to be in control in those dreams that were not dreams. This was……not a dream.
    “You