Zero Visibility by Georgia Beers

herself together, and she hoped Gracie was still downstairs with Cassie’s mom, absorbed in doting all over Cassie’s dog. Just that morning, Vanessa’s daughter had commented how Cassie didn’t come over any more, and said she missed her. “I miss her, too,” had been Vanessa’s response, and truer words had never been spoken.
    Brian was in sales, which meant he travelled a lot, so it was only natural that Vanessa would call a friend to come over while he was gone, somebody to keep her company. In fact, he preferred that she did just that. The thought of her stuck with the kids for days on end with no adult company bothered him. “Have Cassie over for dinner,” he’d tell her over and over. So she did. They’d also had “girls’ weekend” on five separate occasions. Vanessa told Brian it was only fair, since he did so much traveling, that she had the opportunity to get away as well. Brian, of course, was all for it. “Go. Have fun. I’ve got the kids. Enjoy yourselves.” And they had. Usually, a cabin or a hotel room was involved. Their schedule was simple: make love, sleep, make love, eat, make love. Those were the only times she and Cassie had been able to actually spend the night together, to go to bed together and wake up with each other, and it was blissful. The ends of those weekends were hard for both of them, but they seemed harder on Cassie. Vanessa went home to her husband and children, whom she’d missed terribly. Cassie went home without Vanessa. Their last weekend together was the straw that broke the camel’s back, or so Cassie had told her.
    I can’t stand it, V. I can’t stand having you all to myself and then having to give you back. It’s tearing me apart. I can’t stand it. I hate sharing you.
    Vanessa could still hear Cassie’s anguished voice in her head. She would never go so far as to verbally give Vanessa an ultimatum, but that’s essentially what it had been. She imagined in Cassie’s mind, it was “Brian or me.” In Vanessa’s mind, she heard, “Your entire family, your home, and your whole identity and existence, or me.”
    It wasn’t a choice she wanted to make. It wasn’t a choice she could make, so Cassie had made it for her.
    Rifling through her purse, she found a tissue, blew her nose, and blotted under her eyes. Thank god she’d started using waterproof mascara or she’d have spent the past three weeks looking like a raccoon. In with a deep, cleansing breath, out with all the negative energy. She did this three times, shook her hands vigorously, and opened the door to the fitting room. Time to find her children. There were shoes to purchase.

    ***

    The parking lot for The Sports Outfitter was behind the store, between its building and the water. Cassie stood near the display of kayak paddles and surreptitiously peered out the back window as Vanessa loaded her bags into her minivan, and her kids climbed in the back.
    Vanessa had been crying in the fitting room. Cassie saw her go in, suspected the emotional break, and could tell the second she’d seen her come out. Her makeup was perfect, her auburn hair twisted neatly into a French braid down the back of her head, but her eyes were slightly rimmed with red and her cheeks were unnaturally rosy. Cassie knew that face well enough to know when there had been distress, and it squeezed her heart not to cross a couple aisles, wrap Vanessa in her arms and hold her, tell her it was all going to be okay.
    You will never have all of her .
    Cassie knew this. She had to continually say it to herself, sometimes out loud. It was the only way to keep from plunging right back into the mess they’d shared for more than two years. She loved Vanessa. She absolutely did. She had loved her since their very first kiss. There was no doubt in her mind. But that was fading. Little by precious little, it was fading. Seeing her was hard. Knowing how upset she was and not going to her? Even harder. Cassie had made the right decision.