A Change of Needs by Nate Allen

line, the path he had taken to her doorstep, to this point in his life was about as crooked as a stick in water, and he thought he had a pretty good GPS of himself as a man, but he didn’t know if he had taken the road less traveled to a common destination, or a common path and somehow arrived somewhere uniquely his own, but he felt at that moment, like he had wound up exactly where he was supposed to be. And while that’s a whole lot of backtracking, and a bit of foretelling, it was necessary to say a little about where this was going for you to have an appreciation for where we are, and important to understanding the significance of the moment in his life, to this retelling of it, and essential to understanding where it would take the man as events unfolded.
    He showed up characteristically punctual, his focus on the task before him made an excited determination of his usual nervousness, like a fullback preparing to punch it in the end zone for the go ahead touchdown with one second left on the game clock, or a fireman running into a building when everyone else is running out, the “ static ” was his friend on this occasion. He had danced this doorstep dance countless times, bedded more women than he could remember, but tonight was notably different for reasons he could not explain, he felt special, carefully chosen, as if 1 ) Resume accepted; 2 ) Interview concluded, and now; 3 ) Hired to perform a very pleasurable service. And with the innocence of a schoolboy’s desire to please, and the confidence of a well-traveled man, in the manner he’d become accustomed he was gonna “do it right,” and in so doing exceed all expectations, including his own.
    Like an overgrown teenager he had brought a mix-CD, yep, and Eminem’s “ Lose Yourself ” was playing in his head as he walked to the door, it would have seemed terribly cliché if he’d had the opportunity to watch it unfold like a scene from a movie:
    “If you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?”
    But if it had been a movie, despite the dastardly nature of his visit, he was such an “ everyman” there was a reasonable chance that the regular guys in the audience would have been quietly applauding him, while measuring their girlfriends’ and wives’ reactions with a heightened interest. Like a prizefighter marching to the ring with accompanying music to amp himself up, the song continued in his head…
    “You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go…”
    “You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime…”
    He paused for a moment unnoticed, admiring the view as Rae sat visible through the door’s window, a glass of wine atop the piano she sat playing, donning reading glasses …as if it were even possible for him to turn back at this point:
    “You can do anything you set your mind to man”
    “But will I be able to live with myself afterwards?” He asked himself, “I think I won’t be able to live with not finding out…” Then he rapped twice on the door, and waited for her to let him in, and just like that the guy you would’ve trusted with your wife and kids became the guy who stepped inside another man’s house with bad intentions, and as all men are dogs of some fashion, in so doing he metaphorically cocked his leg to leave his scent, unaware in the process, his life would be fucked for the unforeseeable future.
    It was a nice inconspicuous split-level home located about a mile from the campus, beyond the smaller homes, lower end apartments and boarding houses inhabited by long-time residents, students and TA’s, equally close to the malls, downtown, the Country Club she had belonged to since her marriage to Frank …and far enough from her parent’s home. He had entered a suburban den of iniquity for the evening and just as easily as he had wiped his