An-Ya and Her Diary by Diane René Christian

Bailey that she would watch Sitka for the day. Wanna still isn’t talking to me very much. Ellie wanted to hold Sitka’s hand while we walked to the lake.
    It was warm enough to stand in the lake for a few minutes at a time. I couldn’t stay in any longer without getting goose bumps.
    There were two girls at the lake who I never saw before. They were around my age and were wearing matching rainbow bikinis. For some reason they came up to Sitka and me and started talking and saying—
    So do you live around here, because if you do, you must be pretty bored and thank God we won’t be staying long and where did you get that bathing suit and why are your dog’s ears so pointy?
    Then one of the bikini girls said, as she pointed to Ellie—
    Is that your real sister?
    And I said yes.
    And then she said—
    So where’s your real mother?
    And I pointed to Wanna. And she said—
    So is your dad Japanese?
    And Sitka said—
    She is Chinese not Japanese, and no, her father is not either one.
    And the bikini girl said—
    Well, then, that is not your real mother because she is white.
    And Sitka said—
    Where is your real mother?
    And the bikini girl pointed to a woman lying on a big yellow beach towel.
    So Sitka said—
    That can’t be your real mother because she has brown hair and your hair is blonde.
    And the other bikini girl said—
    Well, they are both white. Duh.
    And Sitka said—
    So what do you want—a matching whiteness award? Or maybe she is your mother because she’s white…
    And Sitka pointed to Angel Bones.
    The bikini girls told us that we were stupid and walked away. I was laughing so hard that I felt some pee come out and went back into the lake to wash it off of my suit.
    114
    Dear Penny,
    Today started out pretty boring. I took Angel Bones outside to play, but she lay down in the grass and fell asleep. So I lay down next to her and looked at the sky. The clouds were huge and puffy and the sky was a bright blue. I played a game that Ellie plays all the time and tried to find animal clouds. I found a duck with a big beak and a horse that was missing a leg and a tail. And then I heard a voice above my head—
    Hi An-Ya.
    I looked up and saw an upside down version of Levi standing over me. I don’t know how he does it, but he rides up on that lightning bolt bike and I don’t hear a thing.
    He said—
    So watcha doing?
    And I said—
    Nothing really. Just thinking.
    I wasn’t about to tell him I was playing a silly kid’s game with myself.
    He said—
    Sometimes I lie in the grass and try to find clouds that look like things. I found one that looked like a motorcycle once. It was pretty cool. So can I lie down and think with you?
    Before I answered him, he went ahead and lay next to me. I didn’t look at him. I kept staring at the sky and started to pull up pieces of grass and slowly ripped them apart. I could feel an ant walking on my leg, but I didn’t want to sit up and brush it off. I didn’t want to move.
    Levi said—
    Is something wrong?
    And I said—
    You lied to me.
    He said—
    What are you talking about?
    And I said—
    The stealing. You lied about why you were gone.
    And he said—
    Oh.
    I said—
    I could have understood. You didn’t have to lie.
    I wanted to tell him that I stole stuff too. I wanted to tell him that I understood. But I didn’t.
    He said—
    Lex and Jazz think that you are really cute.
    I said—
    Oh?
    Levi said—
    But I don’t think that you are cute.
    I wanted the ground to open up under me and swallow me and cover me over with dirt forever.
    Then Levi said—
    I don’t think you are cute. That is not a good word for you. You are pretty. Not cute. Plus, you are not like other girls who giggle when they talk to me and act all weird.
    I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe that Levi, the boy whose smile made my ears burn, thought that I was pretty.
    I said—
    I have stolen things before.
    It came out of me even when I was trying so hard to hold it in. I