Avoiding Mr Right by Anita Heiss

hang out with friends. I was
truly happy with my lot.
    Towards the end of summer, Shelley took me by tram
to Toorak Road and we spent the day drinking coffee and
shopping. I never drank much coffee in Sydney, but it
was a very Melbourne thing to do and it helped me get
over the ciggies much easier, going from one addiction to
another. I was down to having just the occasional social one
and it was much easier of a night because Shelley wouldn't
allow smoking in the house at all. Moving to Melbourne
was a great detox of sorts, except that I was still drinking.
On that front some might suggest I was re-toxing since I
moved to St Kilda.
    Sylvia had introduced me to soy milk, so I was enjoying
soyaccinos, lattes and so on. As we sat and drank our
coffees I spent the entire time with my mouth open, just
watching all the men around Toorak Road. They got off
trams, they were having coffees, and they were going into
bookstores and clothes shops. They made me smile, and
some of them smiled back. It was like a little hetero Mardi
Gras just for me, and I loved it.
    We strolled down the street and I was in awe of the space,
the people, the energy, the sheer difference to Sydney. We
went into a small boutique and I tried on a dress.
    'Nice legs,' a guy said as he sat outside the change room.
    'Oh,' I responded awkwardly. He was there with a
woman and I had visions of getting bitch slapped then
and there in this groovy little boutique in Toorak Road. 'I
don't know how your girlfriend would feel about you saying
that to a strange woman.' I knew exactly how James would
feel about it.
    'Oh, I'm his sister and he does it all the time. Generally,
I just feel embarrassed, so apologies for my cheeky
brother.' I looked sympathetically at her, cheekily at him,
and hid in the change room until they were both gone.
    'Gees, men are all over you,' Shelley said as I paid for
the dress.
    'Perhaps they know I'm from outta town and are just
being nice.' Then I had a brainwave. 'Or perhaps they can
sense that I'm celibate and they feel sorry for me.'
    'Don't be ridiculous. They like the look of you.'
    'I love Melbourne, Shelley, and before all my girlfriends
got married up they would've loved it here, too.'
    'Pity you're avoiding men.' Shelley nodded in the
direction of a guy across the road leaning in a doorway, just
waiting to be lured somewhere naughty.
    'No it's not. I didn't get this much attention when
I actually wanted a bloke. I'm having more fun not wanting
one.'
    'Here's my favourite shop,' Shelley said. 'A local
designer, and the clothes are cut really well.' An hour later
we walked out loaded up with clothes and bags and shoes
Shelley would hardly ever wear. When she wasn't at work
she only ever wore thongs.
    I took a photo of us both on my phone and texted the
girls:
    Hi – Sat morn on Toorak Rd shoppin. You? Luv ya, Px
    I knew Shelley must've made a packet working as a
stockbroker. And the day's shopping was evidence that
neither of us was paying enough rent.
    'We really should be heading home,' Shelley said, trying
to convince herself and me that she was done shopping, 'but
I need to show you this one last shop called Shag.'
    'Shag the shop – I like it, especially as it's the only shag
I'm going to get while I'm here. Where is it?' Shelley laughed
and grabbed my arm, dragging me round the corner into
Chapel Street.
    'Here we are,' she soon announced and pushed me in
the door.
    I spotted a coat I loved immediately and put it on.
    'What do you think?' I said, doing a bit of a catwalk turn.
    'It's pink!' Shelley screwed her face up like it was fluoro,
when I thought it was a classy deep rose.
    'Actually, it's watermelon,' the sales assistant said, 'and
the buttons are original.'
    'Yeah, it's watermelon!' I reiterated to Shelley, who was a
proud member of the all-black drab Melbourne mass.
    'And now it's time to go. Let's get a cab,' Shelley said.
'I can't carry all this on the tram then home