Bad as in Good by J. Lovelace

toward my front door. I wanted to be done with him. I didn’t want to cry when he shut the door behind him, but I couldn’t deny my feelings. I was fallin’ for him. He disrespected me, mistreated me, and lied to me, but I thought about him at work. I let him enter my bed night after night while he left his wife questioning his whereabouts. I was the other woman. I was mad at him but more mad at myself for lettin’ him do me like he did and actually enjoying it. It was time to move on to someone who was willin’ to treat me right.
    When he walked out my door without even a goodbye, I wiped the tear that crept down my cheek and meandered back into my bedroom. This time, when I lay naked in my bed, it wouldn’t be next to a man who would rather lie to me than love me.
    â€œDid you speak to your sister?”
    Loraine and I sat across from each other at a coffee shop during our lunch break. We both hung our heads low as we contemplated our lives. “I decided to let her stay.”
    â€œThat’s nice. How’d that work out?”
    â€œI couldn’t kick my little sister out. Besides, she’s going back to her dorm in a few weeks anyway.” Loraine sipped on her tea and twirled one of her loose locs.
    â€œWhat’s the vibe between you two now?”
    â€œIt’s definitely different. I don’t see her as my innocent lil’ sis. I realized she was no saint but…” She sighed and took another sip of her tea. “I don’t know what that girl does while she’s in college. I hope she’s not that girl who fucks her professors for all As.”
    I swirled my spoon in the cold coffee I spent six dollars to waste. “Don’t say that. You two should spend the next few weeks tryna get over this hump.”
    â€œHow are things with you and Tariq?”
    I wanted to redirect the conversation back to Loraine and her sister, but it would only have us going around in circles. I pursed my lips and shrugged my shoulders. “It is what it is.”
    â€œWhat’s that supposed to mean?”
    â€œI kicked him out of my apartment the other night.”
    Loraine raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “I’m surprised you had the balls to actually do that. I expected you to actually keep the charade going.”
    â€œCharade?”
    â€œHow long did you expect an affair with a man who barely cares about you to last? You should’ve never let him back in the first time.”
    â€œThe same could’ve been said when you foolishly let your ex-husband back in your life after he cheated on and mistreated youonly to do it to you all over again.” I took offense to her blatant disregard for my bruised emotions and paid no regard to her ego. “Every woman plays the fool at least once in her life, but what can you do?”
    Loraine sucked in her lips and sipped on her tea. She wanted to snap back, but she had it coming. Even though I was the friend whose shoulder she cried on when her ex-husband of two years revealed his year-and-a-half-long affair, I callously reminded her of the pain it brought when after lettin’ him back in, she let him do the same damn things for another year. The heavens opened up when she finally broke free from that prison sentence. “Let’s get back to work.”
    The Christian in me wanted to apologize. She was obviously still hurt by her past, and I had no right to flaunt her mistakes in her face. But the crying little girl in me felt it was best to end the lunch date early. We parted ways without any more words. Usually, we’d end with a hug and a promise to call each other later. This time, we gathered our belongings and walked away in separate directions. Once I got back to work, my guilt would overpower me and I’d apologize for my rudeness. However, as I walked away from my real friend, all I could selfishly think about was how good it felt to be the one causing the pain instead of