Big Girls Don't Cry by Gretchen Lane

INTRODUCTION
     
    “I’m sick of it, Michelle!” I cried into the phone.
    “I k now, sweetheart. I’m so sorry,” she comforted. Michelle has been my best friend since third grade, and truthfully, I don’t know how she puts up with me. Really, I don’t know how anyone puts up with me. I’m just fat a nd pathetic, and today was the world’s way of letting me know it.
    The crowd erupted into laughter when the first fat joke was yelled from the passing car. They fell silent when the 32 oz. soft drink hit my face with a loud smack , before splashing to the ground . I stood soaking wet, stunned, and humiliated. My embarrassment quickly turned to pain, and I wept openly. Not one person asked me if I was okay. I ran home to my apartment, where in a moment of frustration and hurt I actually contemplated suicide. And, then I felt stupid, like I always do. I mean, I guess I should be used to it by now. It’s been happening since I was in the third grade. That’s when I got my nickname , ‘ The Pillsbury dough girl . ’
    My mom told people the reason I ate so much , was I lost my dad at such a young age. He passed away from a heart attack when I was five years old. That’s when I started comfort eating , Mom says.
    Anyway, I didn’t kill myself. Instead, I called Michelle.
    ~ ~ ~
    “Don’t talk like that, Gretchen ! God! It makes me want to kill those guys! Who does that to another human being ?”
    “ Don’t be mad at them. It’s my own fault.”
    “What are you talking about?” Michelle screams. “Are you serious?”
    “I’ m totally serious. I’m th e one who made me like this. I shouldn’t be taking the bus anyway. I should be walking to work. It’s only like three or four miles. It would probably do me good . ”
    “You know what, Gretchen ,” Michelle states sternly. “It probably woul d. But, that doesn’t change the fact that those assholes were wrong. And YOU, did NOTHING wrong . Do you understand that?”
    “Yeah, I know,” I answer, meekly. “Truthfully, I just want to start the whole day over.” Which means, when I get off of the phone I will chase away the day’s horrible events with a half-gallon of my favorite ice cream .
    “Well, let me know where you want to go workout tomorrow. I’m ready for a good one ,” Michelle said, on queue . She’ s always in for a few classes. She kn e w that’s all it w ill take , and I’ ll be over i t and back to being my old self … N ice, funny, ‘She would be pretty if she lost some weight’ , Gretchen .
    “I will. ”
    “And, don’t eat and go to bed! Do something different this time, okay?”
    “Okay,” I sniffle.
    “Promise?”
    ‘Shit.’ I hated w hen she made me promise. “I Promise.”
    “Call me later.”
    “I will.”
    “K, love you. ”
    “Love you to o . Michelle , wait!”
    “What!”
    “Thank you.”
    “Stop it. You don’t have to thank me. I’ll talk to you later.”
    “Okay, bye.”
    “Bye”
    I close my phone, rubbing the sore spot on my face. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a black eye tomorrow. ‘ Great, that’s just what I need . People at work thinking my fake b oyfriend beats me up. ’ I know it’s stupid, but I didn’t want the fact , that I’m a twenty-four year old virgin , being spread around my office … Meet Jack, m y now abusive boyfriend.
    I’ll just tell everyone I kicked him out for doing it . It’ s getting to o hard explaining why he never comes to office parties anyway.
    ‘Do something different this time.’ Michelle’s words play in my head.
    ‘Join a gym fat ass!’ A voice in the car had yelled before the soda was thrown.

CHAPTER ONE
     
    I had been standing outside for half of an hour , before walking up to the front door of the fitness club . Now, I’m standing looking at my reflection in the glass and I’m frozen solid.
    ‘Open the door, Gretchen . Open the door.’ My heart is racing and I’m not sure which I’m going to do first, throw up or pass out.