Blue Saturn by Libby Jay

anyway?”
    I start to walk away but then I turn back. “You need to find someone else to look after Mikey. I can’t do it anymore.” I turn around and bump into Mikey.
    “Indsy, are you leaving me too?” His brown eyes are wide and wet as he looks up at me.
    Mike comes in from the balcony and waits for my answer. When I don’t say anything he answers for me. “She’s not going anywhere.” He walks past me and leaves the apartment.
     
    *****
     
    Something is not right with Mikey. Besides his irritability, he is developing small red marks on his neck. I phone the hospital and they tell me to come straight down.
    The band is performing tonight, so I know there’s no point calling Mike or Wayne or Gavin. So I call a taxi and go to the hospital.
    We wait for ages in emergency, Mike cries and pulls my hair and screams and the nurses give me funny looks but give other patients priority over us.
    Finally, we’re called in and Mikey is put onto a bed. Only he doesn’t want to lie or sit down and he stands up on the bed and starts jumping.
    “He’s not normally like this,” I explain to the nurse, who is pursing her lips at me.
    I manage to get Mikey to sit still long enough to show the nurse his blotches, which have spread down onto his shoulders.
    “Has he been taking any medication?” she asks. She has his file from his surgery.
    “Only paracetamol,” I answer.
    She nods her head and says she’ll be right back.
    Two hours later, she returns with a doctor. Mikey has fallen asleep, finally.
    The doctor assesses him briefly before diagnosing him with an allergy to paracetamol. He says it so matter of fact it makes me feel like I should’ve known. He tells me to switch over to Neurofen and that Mike should settle down within a few days.
     
    Considering how quickly this allergic reaction came on, it’s certainly taking its time to regress. It’s been two days since we were at the hospital and Mike hasn’t slept more than two hours between each hysterical bout of crying.
    Mike has made short appearances in our apartment, but I think he must be staying with Gavin. If and when he does visit, they’re very short stays. I can’t say I blame him. It’s starting to get me down too, but unfortunately I can’t walk away.
     
    I’m at my wits end. If the wailing and punching and hair pulling doesn’t stop soon, I’m going to have to lock Mikey in a room and walk away. I cannot do this anymore.
    “Please, be quiet,” I beg him. He’s been clinging to me for the last three hours. Whenever I try to sit down, he scratches or bites me. I decide to run a bath. He won’t let go of me as I try to undress him and I’m going to have to get into the bath with him. I undress down to my underwear. Mikey won’t let me remove his pyjama pants. So partially dressed, I lower us both down into the warm water. He kicks and screams for a few minutes before he finally lets the warmth of the water relax him.
    He’s sleeping. He’s finally sleeping. His head is resting against my chest. He is so completely relaxed, he feels heavy against me. I empty a bit of water and refill the bath with more hot water. I can’t get out of the bath with Mike asleep against me. I do not want him to wake up. So I’ll stay here for as long as I have to.
    I’m refilling the bath again when I hear a voice behind me.
    “Hey, do you want me to shut the door?”
    I crane my neck and Mike is standing at the door, looking at me. I shake my head and point to my chest. “Mikey is sleeping,” I say quietly.
    Mike enters the bathroom and looks down at his son. “Finally,” he whispers.
    His eyes shift then, from Mikey to my back. I know my hair must be covering most of the skin on my back, but my shoulders are bare and I know he can see my patches.
    “Could you pass me a towel, please?” I ask.
    “You think you got something other women don’t?”
    ‘Yes I do,’ I think, but I don’t say it.
    “Trust me Lyndsay, I’ve seen it