Boxer Beast by Marci Fawn Page A

don’t. There’s something weird going on here. Neither of them are mentioning River, my River… Where is he?
    “River left, sweetheart.” Mrs. Xavier finally drops the bomb.
    And I instinctively know she means it. He is gone, not he’ll be back in a while after getting groceries or helping out a neighbor, like he used to do, but he is gone… Forever.
    “Uh huh,” her husband nods. He walks over to the door and gives me those sad puppy eyes. He looks tired as well. Downtrodden.
    “Signed a contract. Left today. Real proud of him. He’ll be far away now, though. He hasn’t told you, Faith? He’s known for over a year.”
    “Oh, I… See.” I pause, my eyes threatening to spill over. I am still just his childhood best friend he hasn’t seen in a while to them. They can’t know how much this hurts me. I pause, catching my breath, waiting for my voice to come back. “No, he didn’t tell me. He’s known for a year?”
    His dad nods sadly and I can see the pity in his look. It pisses me off.
    “When will he be back?” I smile, but it’s more like I’m just gritting my teeth. God, he could be gone for weeks. And he never told me… despite spending all night with him. Despite the way we connected.
    “I don’t know, honey,” Mr. Xavier says, ruffling my hair as if I were one of his boys, not the girl his son loved. “The contract’s signed for two years. But he’ll be back for the holidays! I’m sure he’d love to see you come Christmas?”
    It’s May.
    It’s fucking May .
    And no one knows if he loved me or not. Not even me.
    I nod again. I’m holding my emotions in check. I have to, at least until I get off the Xaviers’ property. I feel so numb. “Where’d he go?”
    “Missouri, for now,” the lonely pride is back in Mr. Xavier’s voice. “Knew he could do it. He’ll be travelling all over the states – River Xavier the professional boxer! One of the youngest, too. He’s nineteen now, you know.”
    I know. I celebrated his birthday with him yesterday, bonded with him more than I ever thought possible… And it was probably the last time I’ll ever get to see him.
    I nod a final time. “Well, thank you,” I say.
    And this time, I can’t hide my voice breaking. I can’t stop the tears from spilling over.
    I break out into a sprint back to my house, across the Xaviers’ perfectly manicured lawn, which River won’t be mowing anymore. I don’t even hear the sound of their door clicking shut as my head rumbles like a storm is passing through it and tears cloud my eyes.

    * * *
    I sit on the tile .
    At first, I think I feel sick because I miss River. He called me. The conversation was awkward as hell.
    I didn’t let him explain. Couldn’t let him cut another scar in the remains of my heart.
    I promised to call back, knowing I wouldn’t.
    He calls me more times, and I ignore every single call. Now, the days since we last talked have turned to weeks. My heart hasn’t gotten better.
    If anything, it has gotten worse. Sicker. He came to my door one day, when he came home to pick up some things he forgot to pack.
    Daddy told me he waited on the porch for hours.
    I didn’t even leave my room.
    Physically, I feel so different, and it has only been weeks.
    The toilet is cold against my lower back as I slouch in front of it. I look down at the test I’m holding in my hand, feeling a tear stream down my eye, past my cheek, down onto my chest.
    It only took that one time.
    I love him… But he destroyed me. He can’t know.
    I need to move on, to get over him. He will not be the last.
    But he is my first.
    I need to be strong. I can’t turn my love for him to hate.
    No one knows about us. No one knows anything happened between us, although I think my dad guessed. Things still haven’t gotten better for us, house-wise. Not yet, anyway. But daddy assured me they would.
    The house next to us is empty now.
    The Xaviers have gone on the road so they can keep up with their star son.
    When they