Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris Page B

Your goal should be to match but not outpace him. Nicole has done this in her relationship with Steve. As he picked up the pace romantically, she reciprocated. When Steve took a trip with some friends, she arranged little surprises and notes for each day of his travel. First, she baked his favorite brownies and had a flight attendant deliver them to him on the plane. Then when he arrived at the home where he was to stay, his favorite ice cream was waiting in the freezer. (Do you see a theme emerging? Women like flowers; men like food!) Steve and Nicole are growing in romance at an appropriate time in their relationship and for the right reasons.
    Gentlemen, when we know that we want to marry a girl, we can begin to actively seek to win her heart. God-honoring wooing is neither licentious nor manipulative. It's pure, it's sincere, and it's backed up by a desire for lifelong commitment.
    What does it mean to guard our hearts with regard to romance? In my relationship with Shannon, the principle that guided me was simple. Romance during our courtship needed to flow out of deepening commitment. I refused to stoke the fires of romantic zeal before I knew I wanted to marry her. Doing so might have led to short-term enjoyment, but it would have deeply hurt her eventually. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret (see Song of Songs 2:7).
    A practical application of this principle is the question of when to say "I love you." If you feel love for the other person, should you verbalize it? Again, we must be guided by what's best for the other person. In some cases, saying "I love you" prematurely can be a very unloving thing to do. Unless those words are sincere and an expression of true commitment, they are meaningless and can cause great pain.
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    There's no hard and fast rule here. We need wisdom. I chose to save the words I love you for the moment I asked Shannon to marry me. I wanted her to know the words meant something- they were tied to my commitment to her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving only her.
    I share this not to say that it's always wrong to say "I love you" before engagement. Other men I respect have said it earlier. In their particular relationships, it served the one they loved to let her know the depth of their feelings, and engagement followed soon after. My encouragement is to use caution.
    The Excitement Continues
    Couples growing in friendship, fellowship, and romance still have to think about their different roles as men and women, communicate authentically, and have a game plan for sexual purity. We'll talk about these issues and more in the following chapters.
    Is it idealistic to try to be more than friends, but less than lovers-to be cautious and careful in courtship? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's unrealistic. Someone has said, "Ideals are like stars; we will not succeed in touching them with our hands, but by following them, as the seafaring man on the ocean, we will reach our destiny."
    I believe that, guided by the ideals to love each other sincerely and to consider marriage wisely, we can reach the destination of being lifelong friends and lovers in marriage.
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    What to Do with Your Lips
    Practical Principles for Great Communication
    Only a few days after I bought my cell phone, the calls started pouring in. Unfortunately, they weren't for me. It turned out that my phone number had previously belonged to a Domino's Pizza shop. Now at all hours of the day and night people were ringing me with their orders.
    "I'm sorry" I'd say, "but this isn't Domino's Pizza. Yes, you dialed the right number. It's just that now it's the number of my cell phone. No, I'm afraid I don't have Domino's new number. Yes, I'm sure they'll honor your two-for-one coupon. Bye."
    Most people understood. What I found hilarious were the callers who refused take no for an answer.
    "I'd like to order a large cheese pizza," a lady told me.
    "I'm sorry, ma'am, this isn't Domino's," I said.