Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris

the in-between. Work together and play together; serve side by side.
    The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the "real you"? Whatever it is you love, whatever it is that captures your imagination, invite the other person into it-and ask the other to take you into his or her world too.
    "I think of myself as a student of Nicole," says Steve, who's been in a courtship with her for three months. "I want to better understand who she is so I can be a better friend. A lot of what 1 learn happens when we're just being together and talking. But I've also discovered that I have to be intentional with my questions. During the day if I think of something I want to ask her,
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    I'll write it in my Palm Pilot so I can remember to ask her when we get together."
    Guarding each other's hearts during this time means making sure the friendship has appropriate pace, focus, and space.
    The pace should be unhurried. Don't try to become best friends the first week. Just like any other friendship, this one takes time and consistent investment to develop. Don't rush or try to force your way into each other's lives.
    The focus of your friendship in its early stages should be on getting to know each other, not on creating premature intimacy and emotional dependence. In the beginning of your courtship, look for activities where the focus is on something else besides being a couple. In your conversations and questions, avoid talking about the relationship. Instead, seek to learn about each other. Don't grab for more intimacy than is warranted. The focus will change as mutual confidence about commitment deepens. You'll earn access to each other's hearts over time.
    The amount of space your friendship occupies in your life will also grow over time. In the beginning, be careful that it doesn't crowd out other relationships with friends and families. Don't be threatened by other relationships the other person has. Make room for each other. Don't try to monopolize each other's time. Remember that premature exclusivity in your courtship can cause both of you to depend on it more than is wise. Be faithful to your current friendships and responsibilities. As the relationship progresses, you'll make more and more space for each other, but this should happen slowly and be done cautiously.
    Fellowship
    As your relationship unfolds, you want to make sure it has a spiritual foundation. For your relationship to be strong, love for
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    God must be the common passion of your hearts. Courtship is the time to grow in your ability to share this passion for God and learn to encourage each other in your faith.
    Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives-the reality of Jesus Christ and His work in us. It involves praying together as well as talking about what God is teaching us and showing us.
    Men, it's our responsibility to take the lead in biblical fellowship. Find out how you can be praying for each other. Take time to talk about what God is teaching you in your individual walks with him.
    There are many other ways to grow in fellowship. You can read Christian books together, talk about sermons after a Sunday service, and discuss how you're going to apply what you learn. During our courtship, Shannon and I read the book of Acts together and sent e-mails back and forth about what we were learning.
    Another important part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Nate, a young man from Great Britain, did this in his courtship with Clare by inviting her to point out any areas of compromise she observed in his life. "I would consistently ask if she saw any attitudes or behaviors that were offensive or dishonoring to her, others, or to God."
    Guarding the fruit of true biblical fellowship means increasing your love and passion for God, not your emotional dependence on each other. Your goal is to point each other to Him. All the ideas shared for growing in