Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3) by Juliana Haygert Page B

Unless the female in question is absurdly stunning, and they can’t take their eyes off her. Then I bet they are conscious of their thoughts.”
    “It all sounds so technical, as if there was a manual for male and female, and we had to conform to it, no questions asked.”
    She chuckled. “Something like that.”
    This woman knew how to push my buttons, and that was what made her a great therapist for me. I had tried four others before finally feeling like she got me, like she understood me.
    “All right, I admit I do remember looking at guys and thinking whether they were attractive. To be honest, I still do sometimes. These moments give me a little hope that I will get over the incident and my fears someday. However, when I was sixteen, I wanted to do something about it if they were attractive, like talk to them, dance with them, get their phone number, whatever. Now, I want nothing. I just acknowledge they are handsome and move on.”
    “At least the feeling is there. You think men can still be handsome. That’s a big step.” She pulled a notepad and pen from her table. “I suggest we make a list of all the things that you fear. Even silly, minor things, like spiders, cockroaches, fear of the dark, fear of horror movies, anything. Then we work our way up to the bigger things, like for example, your fear of being alone in a room with a man you don’t know. Then last items would be to kiss a boy you’re attracted to, and finally trusting a man completely.”
    I blushed, thinking of how silly it would be to have a list I shared with my therapist about kissing boys. I wasn’t sixteen anymore.
    “Just make a list?”
    She shook her head, a slow smile taking over her sharp face. “Then, you go item by item from smallest to biggest and check them off.”
    “W-what? No!”
    “I understand your hesitation, but listen to me. Even if you don’t get to the biggest items, even if you stop in the middle of your list, you’ll still have faced many fears and you will feel stronger, more confident. You will know for sure that you can defeat all of your fears, one by one. And then one day, you’ll end up checking off the biggest items, even if you didn’t intend to, I’m sure.”
    I narrowed my eyes at her. “It still sounds a little silly.”
    “And that’s why you have to do it. Silly doesn’t go well with fear. You don’t need to fear this list. It’ll be perfect.”
    I considered that for a moment. Well, she was right. It sounded so silly; I didn’t have to fear it at all. And I could always stop in the middle like she said.
    “Okay,” I said, my tone low, guarded.
    “All right.” She sat up straighter, her pen poised against the notepad. “What shall the first item be?”
    I forced a smile. “That the professor will turn my incomplete into a fail and I’ll have to repeat the class?”
    Dr. Walker returned my smile, but hers was real and it said, “Don’t be silly.”
    Hard not to.
     
    ***
    Hannah and Bia helped me bring my things from my car—and the rented U-Haul trailer—to the apartment. It wasn’t much, just my clothes and toiletries and books and other things from my dorm. And Hannah had brought a few of my things from our parents’ house too, like some more of my clothes, fitted sheets and pillow covers, towels, etc.
    At one point, I left them working while I went to the grocery store and bought all the necessary stuff: milk, bread, eggs, rice, pasta, red sauce, ice cream, soap, shampoo, and more. I also bought plastic cups, cutlery, and plates. Tomorrow, I would go shopping for real cups, cutlery, and plates, and for pans and all the little gadgets that made life easier. I had no idea what I would do with all these things after I moved back to the dorm, but right now, I didn’t care. I just wanted to enjoy my first time living by myself. Really by myself. No parents or roommates.
    For dinner, Lauren and Iris came over and brought some takeout. Now we were just missing Gabi—we even