Cannibal Dwarf Detective: An Ephemeral Beardening by Hunter Wiseman, Hayden Wiseman Page A

around
the two and stops them in their tracks.
    “Why are you building a railroad out
here?” it asks.
    The shadow figure rests on a nearby
rock, looking very lethargic. It speaks in many voices. Water Baby and Ranch
are frozen stiff.
    “We were expecting the one who came
from the sky,” the shadow growls. “Where is he?”
    “Who are you?” Ranch asks.
    “We are not to be named,” the shadow
responds. “Though we no longer remain, we are a mere reflection of those people
whose lives were lost when the man pierced the sky and skinned our planet of
life.”
    The voice of the shadow echoes around
them.
    “We were expecting the one who came
from the sky,” the shadow repeats.
    Water Baby spurts a question from her
face. “Who are you talking about?”
    “We mean him no judgment, nor you,
simply a warning.”
    “Tell us what you’re talking about,
strange beast!” Water Baby and Ranch Dressing both say in unison. They lock
eyes with one another and nod with sexy appreciation.
    “Years ago, the streets of Chandaka
flourished,” the shadow info-dumped. “Everything was extravagant and beautiful.
The planet was healthy and living well, as were its people. One day however
there was a roar from the black of space. We as one turned to find ourselves
face to face with a blindingly bright light in the distant skies. The umbrella
men were unable to stop the force of this oncoming threat. Chandaka screamed
and panicked, but fought fiercely. We did our best to steer the unknown force
way, alas cows were a poor countermeasure. Everything we did was to no avail.
The man, he was a giant. Nothing like Chandaka had seen before. This man cut
through one of our suns causing an acid like rain. He then slammed directly
into the planet and plummeted further down until reaching the core. He
destroyed the planet from within. Many died that day and the rest of the planet
followed in death. But your people now keep Chandaka breathing. We warn you
today of the lives that have gone to waste. The people of this broken Chandaka
are false. We do not know why."
    Ranch and Water, clearly baffled by
the words of the shadow, blink rapidly again in unison. Water finally breaks
the silence.
    “You still haven’t told us who this
giant is and where or why he came here in the first place!” she exclaims.
    “The impact of the crash caused the
giant to compact in size. Though, we know not of who or where he is now. We are
done lathering you with letters to form words in request of your questions. We
must vanish. Goodbye.”
    “But wait!” calls out Ranch Dressing.
The shadow evaporates in all directions. “Frickin’ dangit!”
    A frustrated Ranch Dressing kicks
sand up in the air.
    “That was completely confusing.”
    “At least now we have a new lead,
friend,” Water says. “We should ruminate on the words of the shadow.”
    “Where the hell could that lead lead
though?” asks uhh… the raptor, angrily.
    “We are to go down,”
Water Baby replies. “We must see for ourselves if the planet is truly broken as
the shadow being says.”
     
    Chapter 19
    Back at the tower, Alfonzo has had
his fifteenth bathroom break and all the substitute beaters have already laid
into Jeac.
    “Happy Wednesday, jerk,” he says.
“You’re free to leave. Armando says he needs to speak with you about something.
So once you’re done sulking get the hell outta my office.”
    Jeac lays on the floor motionless.
    “Crap,” says Alfonzo, foaming at the
mouth. He slowly approaches Jeac and flips him over. Jeac punches him right in
the center of his noggin and sends him sprawling to the floor. Jeac jumps to
his feet.
    “Success!” he yells and then walks
out of Alfonzo’s office.
    He heads to Armando’s office but can
barely open the door. It is blocked by debris.
    “There seems to be a lot more shit in
here than usual, boss,” Jeac says as he squeezes through the gap. He sits on
his old laundry bin as Armando’s assistant lights his pipe. The pipe