Catastrophe Practice by Nicholas Mosley Page A

them!
    Geordie, standing behind Waldorf as if he were a hairdresser, has been watching Harry and the Char
.
    After a time —
WALDORF
Is he one of ours?
GEORDIE
I think so.
WALDORF
And him?
GEORDIE
I don’t know.
WALDORF
The woman?
GEORDIE
It was agreed —
WALDORF
What a place!
GEORDIE
That’s why they chose it.
WALDORF
Why?
GEORDIE
I promised never to tell.
WALDORF
Then never, never do —
    The machine makes a whirring sound, as if it were a fruit machine. Then it is silent
.
    The Barman has remained standing, in front of it
.
    Then he murmurs —
BARMAN
Ever try it?
HARRY
No.
    The Barman yells like a fielder in a cricket match —
BARMAN
’Owzat!
    Then he turns to the audience
.
    Some team, I think. On Sundays.
    He squats down, with his hands out towards the audience, like a wicket-keeper. Behind him the machine makes a loud tinkling noise, as if coins were pouring out
.
    Geordie, behind Waldorf at the table, right, brushes at Waldorf’s collar and straightens his hair
.
    He looks at the audience as if it were a mirror. The Char speaks to Harry
.
CHAR
I remember you in your pram.
HARRY
No!
    The Barman, crouching, makes a noise, as if he were imitating music, or a machine gun —
BARMAN
— Da da di dum dum. Da da di da —
    The char seems to change her tune
.
CHAR
— Ah there was a spirit in those days!
    The boys with their little tails going!
    Their drums like bells! —
HARRY
And you were left with an only son to bring up?
CHAR
As a matter of fact he did very well in the war —
HARRY
That’s why he had to go for a quiet pull in the pub —
CHAR
You’re not just doing this to be nice to me, are you?
    The Barman straightens and looks at the flies
.
BARMAN
It goes on all the time. Like seeds. Like parachutes.
    He waits. He looks at the audience
.
    Leaping up the waterfalls. Breaking down the walls.
    Then he goes behind the bar. He acts —
    â€” Good evening, sir, and what can I do for you? I hear you’ve got some Pakistanis on your billiard table. You won’t be able to get into your own pockets next —
    He laughs
.
    Harry gets up from the table, left, and goes and sits at the bar
.
HARRY
If only she’d say something — !
BARMAN
Didn’t she? What —
HARRY
What were you doing last night. The names of your dearest friends —
    Geordie speaks over Waldorf’s head, facing the audience
.
GEORDIE
Put your tongue out —
    He mimes wiping the corner of Waldorf’s mouth with a handkerchief. He puts his hands on Waldorf’s shoulders
.
    Got your umbrella?
    Geordie takes a newspaper from one of the briefcases and rolls it up and puts it under Waldorf’s arm. Waldorf’stands. Then Geordie leads Waldorf to the back of the stage on the right. He seems to be posing him there
.
BARMAN
You’d still have to go —
HARRY
Grow?
BARMAN
Go!
    Harry looks round
.
HARRY
On this strange planet.
    The Barman, behind the bar, takes a plug and wire and plugs the wire into a socket on the wall at the back
.
    Then he comes from behind the bar and sits on a stool in front, by Harry, watching the machine as if it were television
.
    The glass door opens, right, and a woman in thedress of the Hostess comes in. She stands looking down at her papers
.
    Harry turns to her: seems about to speak: then stops
.
    There come in through the glass door, right, Smudger and Norbert, an older and a younger man. They are dressed in holiday clothes. They carry travelling bags and a radio. It is possible that one of them might be a woman. They walk one behind the other. They act —
SMUDGER
Mule train halt!
NORBERT
We’re outside our own hotel, Daddy —
SMUDGER
What do you think the poet was trying to say?
NORBERT
The nature of time, and of human responsibility.
    They put down their bags and radio on the table, right They look round the room Waldorf is posed with the newspaper under his arm. Geordie is standing looking at him as if he were a