Catastrophe Practice by Nicholas Mosley Page B

statue. The woman like the Hostess looks up at Harry. She is older than the original Hostess
.
HOSTESS
Hullo —
HARRY
Hullo —
HOSTESS
I was afraid you might not remember me —
HARRY
Oh yes, I loved only you, you see. I never loved anyone else in my life —
    The Hostess puts her head in her hands
.
HOSTESS
I feel so guilty!
    Smudger goes and looks at Waldorf’s feet, as if he were a statue and there were an inscription there. He seems to read —
SMUDGER
— The column, drawn by six white horses, rose to a height of several thousand feet —
    He looks up at Waldorf
.
    â€” Slowly our forefathers moved down the Mall —
    Norbert watches Smudger
.
NORBERT
— There were not many left to tell —
    He breaks off. It is as if he and Smudger had been trying out some code
.
HARRY
That’s not right, is it?
    The Hostess looks up at Harry
.
HOSTESS
No.
    The Barman leans forward and gives the machine a bang
.
    Geordie has been watching Smudger and Norbert
.
GEORDIE
What’s he carrying?
    Smudger and Norbert look at Waldorf
.
SMUDGER
A wireless?
    Harry speaks to the Hostess
.
HARRY
A child?
NORBERT
A rolled-up newspaper?
    The Hostess turns towards the gothic doorway, left. Then she looks back at Harry
.
    Smudger holds his hand out to Waldorf
.
SMUDGER
Smudger —
    Waldorf relaxes: takes his hand
.
WALDORF
Waldorf —
    Smudger turns to introduce Norbert
.
SMUDGER
Nobby —
    Norbert holds out his hand to Waldorf who comes forward and takes it
.
WALDORF
Wally —
    He turns to Geordie —
    Geordie —
    Geordie comes up and holds out his hand
.
SMUDGER
Smudger
NORBERT
Norbert —
    Geordie takes Smudger’s hand: then Norbert’s —
GEORDIE
That’s not right is it?
    They wait
.
    The Barman leans forward and gives the machine a bang
.
    The Hostess moves towards the gothic door; then stops and looks back at Harry
.
    Waldorf, Geordie, Smudger and Norbert have settled down round the table, right. They repeat, as if jokingly —
SMUDGER
Smudger —
WALDORF
Waldorf —
SMUDGER
Nobby —
WALDORF
Wally —
GEORDIE
Geordie —
SMUDGER
Smudger —
NORBERT
Nobby —
GEORDIE
George —
    They stop
.
    There is suddenly deafening music (a military march) from the machine as if it were a juke box. Harry puts his hands over his ears
.
    The Hostess goes out through the gothic door, left
.
    The Four sit round their table, right, and seem to confer, quickly, amongst themselves, under cover of the music
.
    The Barman has gone behind the bar. He pulls the electric plug out
.
    The music stops
.
    The Four at the table stop talking
.
    Harry remains with his hands over his ears. After a time the Four at the table, right, speak as if in a comic routine they have learned
.
WALDORF
— Where’s the child —
SMUDGER
— Where’s the car —
NORBERT
— Where’s the money —
GEORDIE
— At the airport.
    Norbert lifts the radio from the floor on to the table. He pulls up the aerial, carefully. The Four continue to talk as if in obviously assumed voices
.
SMUDGER
— I’ll be at the second milestone —
WALDORF
— I’ll be at the fourth —
GEORDIE
— Then run —
WALDORF
— I can’t —
NORBERT
— Why not —
WALDORF
— Arthritis.
    Norbert has put an ear to the radio. He seems to be tuning it
.
    The Barman has been watching the Four at the table. He glances at the Char, who has turned to look at him
.
    Harry takes his hands away from his ears. He looks at the Barman
.
    After a time the Barman begins to shake up and down as if he were on a train. He comes from behind the bar as if moving down a corridor. He takes a pad and pencil from his pocket and stands by the table, right
.
    He watches Norbert who seems to be tuning the radio. He seems to be trying to see what Norbert is doing
.
BARMAN
You know, in the old days, they took on water south of Carlisle. There was a trough. A little