Collide & Burn by Claudy Conn

couldn’t concentrate, though, so I went outside and helped out a bit with the barn, as one of the girls had called in sick and they were short a man. I chipped in and mucked out quite a few stalls. That was good for me.
    I did glance more than was good for my head down the drive, but there was no sign of Mr. Devon.
    I spent the rest of the afternoon, like the four days before, painting, and my mood was not good. My art usually reflects my moods, and my art today was dark and cried.
    And then, when I decided it was over and he wasn’t going to call, ever again, I picked up the phone and asked if Dee was free to have dinner and drinks with me.
    She said sure. She knew what I was going through because I had told her.
    I stepped outside from my apartment and, lo and behold, there he was … in my astonished face. Wade Devon, as big as life … no, bigger, and all I wanted to do was to haul off and slap him.
    He came towards me.
    I walked backwards away from him until my back was against my apartment door.
    I said, “Oh, hello. I’m on my way out.”
    “Are you? Where to, baby?”
    Just like that. I couldn’t believe it. Where to, baby ? Imagine the tone of my voice when I answered, “Kinda my business, and don’t ‘baby’ me.” Was that snippy? I hadn’t meant to sound snippy.
    “Nothing ever again will be just your business,” he said softly.
    “Kinda wrong about that,” I answered, now very much into snippy . “What do you want? A quick roll in the hay? Sorry , no can do, I have plans.” I started to walk past him.
    He reached for my arm. I glared at him. He said, “Don’t be like this, Charlie.”
    “ Like what ? You said no relationship. I was in agreement. I don’t expect anything from you, and you shouldn’t expect me to be on hand whenever you like—though I’m certain that jars your sense of control. I never said I would be around whenever you wanted.” Again, I started off.
    He stepped in front of me and blocked my path. “Charlie. Don’t you want to know why I haven’t been around?”
    “ No . Your business,” I said, but actually if he was offering an explanation, I decided I would hear him out.
    “Charlie … I’ve been going crazy without you. I thought I could do it … but I can’t  … I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but you are in here.” He touched his head. “All the time.”
    “What do you want from me?” I asked.
    “I want you, all of you  …” he whispered.
    “Not happening— not now . I am promised elsewhere. I don’t break my promises,” I told him and made it to my jeep.
    He rushed ahead of me and opened the door for me. “Charlie, I was with my mom . She had a relapse and was taken to the hospital. I … I should have called you, I know, but I thought … if I stayed away … I could break the hold you have over me.”
    That floored me .
    Break the hold ? I looked into his blue eyes and stayed strong. “Wade, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Is she okay?”
    “Yes. My mom is a recovering alcoholic. Now and then … she has a misstep, but she really is doing well, and I like to be there for her when she needs me.”
    My heart went out to him. But this wasn’t about his mother. This was about keeping myself whole. This was about my aching heart. “I’m glad you were able to be there for her. Now, I really have to go.”
    He stood aside from the jeep, and I saw him in my rearview mirror watching me take the long driveway out of the farm.
    I sighed because every inch of me wanted to be with him.
    Games . Why do lovers play games?
    It seemed to come with the territory. I’d never been a game player before. When had I become one? Was that what I was doing? Playing a game? Hell, yeah , sorta.
    I really wouldn’t bail on my friends, and I was the one who had asked Dee to meet me.
    But I could have been more understanding. He didn’t owe me an explanation. He had been honest from the start. He told me ‘no relationship’.
    I felt like a