Complete Works, Volume I by Harold Pinter

. I don't know about any other girls.
    GOLDBERG . Nor me. I've never touched another woman.
    LULU ( distressed ). What would my father say, if he knew? And what would Eddie say?
    GOLDBERG . Eddie?
    LULU . He was my first love, Eddie was. And whatever happened, it was pure. With him! He didn't come into my room at night with a briefcase!
    GOLDBERG . Who opened the briefcase, me or you? Lulu, schmulu, let bygones be bygones, do me a turn. Kiss and make up.
    LULU . I wouldn't touch you.
    GOLDBERG . And today I'm leaving.
    LULU . You're leaving?
    GOLDBERG . Today.
    LULU ( with growing anger ). You used me for a night. A passing fancy.
    GOLDBERG . Who used who?
    LULU . You made use of me by cunning when my defences were down.
    GOLDBERG . Who took them down?
    LULU . That's what you did. You quenched your ugly thirst. You taught me things a girl shouldn't know before she's been married at least three times!
    GOLDBERG . Now you're a jump ahead! What are you complaining about?
    Enter MCCANN quickly.
    LULU . You didn't appreciate me for myself. You took all those liberties only to satisfy your appetite. Oh Nat, why did you do it?
    GOLDBERG . You wanted me to do it, Lulula, so I did it.
    MCCANN . That's fair enough. ( Advancing. ) You had a long sleep, Miss.
    LULU ( backing upstage left ). Me?
    MCCANN . Your sort, you spend too much time in bed.
    LULU . What do you mean?
    MCCANN . Have you got anything to confess?
    LULU . What?
    MCCANN ( savagely ). Confess!
    LULU . Confess what?
    MCCANN . Down on your knees and confess!
    LULU . What does he mean?
    GOLDBERG . Confess. What can you lose?
    LULU . What, to him?
    GOLDBERG . He's only been unfrocked six months.
    MCCANN . Kneel down, woman, and tell me the latest!
    LULU ( retreating to the back door ). I've seen everything that's happened. I know what's going on. I've got a pretty shrewd idea.
    MCCANN ( advancing ). I've seen you hanging about the Rock of Cashel, profaning the soil with your goings-on. Out of my sight!
    LULU . I'm going.
    She exits . MCCANN goes to the door, left, and goes out. He ushers in STANLEY , who is dressed in a dark well cut suit and white collar. He holds his broken glasses in his hand. He is clean-shaven. MCCANN follows and closes the door. GOLDBERG meets STANLEY , seats him in a chair.
    GOLDBERG . How are you, Stan?
    Pause.
    Are you feeling any better?
    Pause.
    What's the matter with your glasses?
    GOLDBERG bends to look.
    They're broken. A pity.
    STANLEY stares blankly at the floor.
    MCCANN ( at the table ). He looks better, doesn't he?
    GOLDBERG . Much better.
    MCCANN . A new man.
    GOLDBERG . You know what we'll do?
    MCCANN . What?
    GOLDBERG . We'll buy him another pair.
    They begin to woo him, gently and with relish. During the following sequence STANLEY shows no reaction. He remains, with no movement, where he sits.
    MCCANN . Out of our own pockets.
    GOLDBERG . It goes without saying. Between you and me, Stan, it's about time you had a new pair of glasses.
    MCCANN . You can't see straight
    GOLDBERG . It's true. You've been cockeyed for years.
    MCCANN . Now you're even more cockeyed.
    GOLDBERG . He's right. You've gone from bad to worse.
    MCCANN . Worse than worse.
    GOLDBERG . You need a long convalescence.
    MCCANN . A change of air.
    GOLDBERG . Somewhere over the rainbow.
    MCCANN . Where angels fear to tread.
    GOLDBERG . Exactly.
    MCCANN . You're in a rut.
    GOLDBERG . You look anaemic.
    MCCANN . Rheumatic.
    GOLDBERG . Myopic.
    MCCANN . Epileptic.
    GOLDBERG . You're on the verge.
    MCCANN . You're a dead duck.
    GOLDBERG . But we can save you.
    MCCANN . From a worse fate.
    GOLDBERG . True.
    MCCANN . Undeniable.
    GOLDBERG . From now on, we'll be the hub of your wheel.
    MCCANN . We'll renew your season ticket.
    GOLDBERG . Well take tuppence off your morning tea.
    MCCANN . We'll give you a discount on all inflammable goods.
    GOLDBERG . We'll watch over you.
    MCCANN . Advise you.
    GOLDBERG . Give you proper care and treatment.
    MCCANN . Let you use the club