Count It All Joy by Ashea S. Goldson

to help other girls who were struggling with the abortion and/or fornication issue. I wanted to catch them before they made these mistakes and teach them about their true worth. I wanted to emphasize the importance of purity before marriage, and the special gift of giving oneself to one’s own husband. I wanted to teach them about starting over and abstaining from sex, even if they’d already been involved in a sexual relationship. Oh, how I wished I had known that sooner.
    It would have kept me free from so many meaningless relationships. I wanted them to know that Jesus could cleanse them from all unrighteousness and that they could be clean again, no matter what they’d done. I wanted to talk about how to fall in love with Jesus, and so many other valuable things I’d learned over the years. There were so many young girls who just fell through the cracks and ended up broken. With God’s help and mercy, I wanted to rescue them all.
    Just thinking about the ministry made me tingle. It was as if I were born for this task.
    By the time I returned from the meeting, stopped at the grocery store, and picked up Lilah from Mrs. Johnson’s place, it was almost time for Joshua to get home from work. I scurried around the already posh apartment, fluffing every throw pillow and neatening the tablecloth, making sure everything was perfect. I set a pot of water on the stove to boil so I could make spaghetti. Then I proceeded to let the seasoned ground beef simmer in the skillet as I continued to slice green peppers into it. Lilah sat at the kitchen table quietly playing with her doll until we heard the front door open.
    I lifted Lilah into my arms, and we went to greet her father at the door. “Hi, baby.”
    â€œDaddy, Daddy,” Lilah squealed as I plopped her down in front of him.
    â€œHi, you two.” Joshua looked tired and tense. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips, and bent over to give Lilah a peck on the cheek.
    I grabbed his arm and led him toward the center of the room. Lilah followed.
    Joshua tugged at one of Lilah’s thick, wavy ponytails. “Something smells really good.”
    â€œIt’s your favorite,” I said, still holding his arm.
    Then he loosened himself from my grip, went to his desk, took out his checkbook and bank statements, and started hitting the digital calculator. I didn’t dare bother him, but I knew he looked worried. Whatever it was I wished he would’ve shared it with me. Lilah ran over to hug her father. He scooped her up in his arms, and I could see the joy on his face. He really did love children, and I felt a little sorry for him. I was sorry I couldn’t easily give him the second child he longed for. I walked over and hugged them both tightly. This was my new family, and I’d do anything for them.
    Lilah giggled and ran off without a care in the world. Instantly, I remembered Kiano and the little mud huts from his village. I knew that a boy his age should be just as carefree as Lilah, but he wasn’t. I decided in my mind that I had to get him out of there soon. Yet I didn’t want to bother Joshua with my concerns.
    I walked up behind my husband and threw my arms around him. With a look of surrender, he sat back and let me massage his back for a few minutes.
    â€œMmm, that feels so good,” he said.
    â€œYou’re so tight, Joshua.” I squeezed his upper back and shoulders.
    â€œYeah.”
    I sat on his lap. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
    He kissed me on the forehead, pushing me gently off his lap. “I’m fine.”
    I knew he wasn’t. I just couldn’t figure out why he was acting so different. I went back into the bedroom, paced the hardwood floor for a while, then sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. I wasn’t sure what was wrong or when it had gone wrong.
    Before I knew it, I had picked up the phone to call my dad. I hadn’t had a serious talk with him