Dark Perceptions (Mystic's Carnival Collective) by Debra Kristi

The stars above exploded, expanding into a forever cascade of the Milky Way and encompassing every available space around us. I sucked back my breath and held up the small joint to examine it. Was the drug truly so strong or was my tolerance that low?  
    I handed the slim wrap of paper back to Matt, folded my hands behind my head, and gazed up at the night sky. “I feel like I’m in the middle of a sparkler on the Fourth of July.”  
    Matt chuckled. “Pretty wild.” His voice wheezed, holding in his last inhale. “Heaven help us if your parents find out what we’re doing, I’ll be toast. Let’s not make this a habit.”
    I didn’t respond. Instead I allowed a heavy sigh to escape. It burst with a whoosh, as if it had been held prisoner within the confines of my chest for ages.
    This was an all-new high for me ― or low, depending on how you wanted to look at things. In all my years of high school I had never tried any kind of drug, and here I was giving in to the demon of temptation in my first year of junior college. But tonight was an exception. I’d wanted something to dull my senses. Matt had been good enough to come through. My feet dangled off the edge of his car and we sprawled across the hood together. In our silence, I felt a lifetime of emotions.
    Since we’d met, I’d come to crave Matt to an almost unbearable level. And yet, I now questioned everything I’d felt. I questioned love and wanting. I questioned the solidarity of relationships. Not that it was Matt’s fault. The blame fell squarely on my parents. They had shown me how quickly perfection could be shattered. Or at least, the perception of perfection. In one short week they had destroyed everything. Our family, our happy home, their union.
    Matt’s foot rubbed against mine in one long, slow stroke, and he watched me with tenderness in his gaze.
    My face flushed. “What are you looking at?”  
    His hand drifted toward me, his finger tracing the edge of my hair. “You. I could stare at you for hours. Tell me what’s bothering you. Please talk to me.” His knuckle brushed the curve of my neck.
    I bit the inside of my lip and looked away, turning my watchful eyes back to the stars. “My parents are getting a divorce,” I said. I couldn’t have been more glum in my tone, but I hated the thought of a temporary separation, much less a permanent one. My parents had always been the ideal couple ― or so it’d seemed. Forever finding comfort in their silence. Never needing constant reassurances of their love.
    Matt turned toward me. The metal beneath us popped and groaned. “Damn, Sara. I’m so sorry. That’s tough.” He reached for my hand, pulling it free from beneath my head. “Is there anything I can do?”
    “Has anyone in your family gotten a divorce?”
    He shook his head. “Nah. But my dad’s been having an affair for almost two years. So I’m no stranger to a messed up family life.”
    “An affair? How did you find ― ?” I twisted to face him and the blanket beneath us shifted, sliding against the metal of the car. Suddenly we were slipping in one quick glide off the hood, just like a kiddie ride. We landed in a dirty heap and a burst of laughter.
    We rose in a mini dust cloud, our giggles still at full momentum. The desert landscape swung around me, confusing my equilibrium, and I stumbled a step to the side. Matt’s hand shot out, steadying me and warming my heart. My feelings jumbled into a giant knot, slamming my glee to a halt. No longer did I know what I wanted, the prospects of true and pure love now confused me. The pot in my system made it more difficult for me to figure out even the simplest of things.  
    My body slumped and I found stability sitting on the corner of the car. In a quick move that surprised both of us, I snatched the joint from Matt’s hand and tossed it as far as I could. “I’ve had enough. Remind me of this the next time I have a brilliant idea.”  
    Matt leaned into me, his hands