Flash and Filigree by Terry Southern

which was not without a certain old world dignity, was immediately followed by a whispery stirring in the Grand Jury box.
    Judge Lester threw a look of caution toward that body and, softly clearing his throat, addressed Dr. Eichner.
    “The report of Police Officers Stockton and Fiske has been heard by this Jury—including your initial account of the accident—and finally, your statement before Captain Meyer as well. These are entered into Court Records and are, of course, available for your study. Naturally, it was desirable that you be present during this testimony, since whatever statement you may wish to make now could have perhaps been better arranged, more deliberately pertinent to the testimony already heard. However, that cannot be helped. So I will ask you now to describe in your own words how the—the accident occurred. As you may know, I am here solely in an advisory capacity to both the Jury and yourself as the principal party. You will therefore address your remarks to the Jury.”
    Dr. Eichner scrutinized the Judge for a moment, perhaps realizing with relief that this mild-mannered man, and relatively young, was certainly not whom he had first wrongly supposed, a certain other Judge Lester, an obscure Justice who, several years ago, had come to notoriety through his severity in traffic violation cases, an undue severity, indeed, which had resulted at last in his impeachment.
    “With your permission,” said Dr. Eichner, confident even to bowing slightly toward the Judge who, in turn, acknowledged this by tilting one hand, fingers extended, up from the base of the palm, flashing the stark white of it against the black folds of his chest.
    “As Judge Lester has suggested,” began Dr. Eichner, speaking earnestly to the Jury who themselves at once settled back in attitudes of deliberate interest and comfort, “it is to be regretted that I was not present to hear the testimony of Officers Stockton and Fiske. As for the reading of my statement before Chief Meyer, let me say first off, that, providing the proper emphasis and intonation were given that reading, the statement is adequate, and we need not elaborate on it today. Naturally, of course, I shall want to see Court Records account of both. And until then, I shall make no comment thereon that should be taken as definitive. Presumably, however, the testimony of Officers Stockton and Fiske here this, morning would correspond to their report given to Chief Meyer—a report with which I am familiar—and which might be described as adequate in fact —so far as it goes—but, I’m afraid, entirely false in spirit. I say this without wishing to prejudice this Court, or any official who may be present, against these Officers. If their handling of this case was, in the strictest sense, improper, and deserves corrective attention—then let the departments concerned take note. It would be inopportune, however, for us to consider here the failure of these officers, in any other connection than as could serve to explain away the false emphasis drawn from certain circumstances surrounding this case—namely then, that their knowledge of these circumstances was . . . limited.
    “Now, you are familiar with my statement before Chief Meyer. It is, substantially, correct. You have heard Judge Lester hesitate before the word, ‘accident.’ Advisedly so. I am prepared to maintain, indeed, to insist, upon the contrary: that here was no accident, but a deliberate attempt on my life, by persons unknown. One of these persons is now dead, in the city morgue, in a state beyond identification. Of the known parties to this conspiracy, however, this much may be said: one was a woman; two others, men—one of whom is perhaps also dead, or very seriously injured. My descriptions of each, as well as of the vehicle involved, are, of course, at the disposition of any authority concerned.”
    The Doctor ended on a severe, almost reprimanding note; but, after a pause, he added with a