Frayed by Pamela Ann Page B

hurt you, for that I am deeply sorry. You must see how complicated my life would be if I hadn’t asked that of you. I hope someday, you can find it in you to forgive me.
    I think you of everyday. There’s never a day that I don’t. I guess that would be my punishment. To love someone I can’t have.
    Are you having a great time in Greece? I try to convince myself that you’re probably around men who are vying for your attention. I want you to be happy.
    A small part of me, hopes that you aren’t. I don’t blame you if you’ve moved on, though. You’re young and free.
     
    You’re free now… free of me.
    Goodbye my love.
     
    I reread it again, my breathing ragged, my body slightly shaking from anger and his audacity. With all this pent up emotion, I knew I couldn’t just email him back. I needed to talk to him. My phone may not have
I
i nternet, but I surely have the capacity to make calls and send messages. I made sure I logged out of my email first before I strode towards the other side of the small cliff. It led towards the shore, and would provide the amount of privacy I needed.
    The steps heading to the shore were steep , but my purposeful determination didn’t even make me pause to be cautious. How could Harry be so selfish? After weeks of not hearing from him, he comes knocking like what he did wasn’t that big of a deal. Was the email supposed to be a band
-
- aid to the damage he had caused? But the most disconcerting part was that amidst all these hateful and furious emotions that had me strung out at the moment, I felt a little hope flourish. It was pitiful, pathetic and absolutely absurd, that I—after all that’s happened to me—would still be pining and hoping that he might want to rekindle our relationship.
    Once I was safely on the sand, I was glad to find that there was no one around. The small strip of sand was nestled in between two huge boulders. I tried to gather as much strength and rationale before I decided I was ready to hear his voice again. My fingers trembled when I touched the screen to send the call. My heart shot up manically once I heard the first ring echo in my delicate ear.
    “ Trista,” Harry breathlessly said after the second ring.
    Oh, God. I could feel my barriers slowly sliding off, easing at the mere sound of his voice . Fuck, I cursed repeatedly. Think of Emma and how she reacted when she found out about Carter’s betrayal. She broke down, but persevered. Think of what Lindsey would’ve done, if a guy messed with her. She would have made them pay.
    Harry had to know the kind of pain and hurt he inflicted on me. Loving him only gave him the power to hurt me this badly. He had to know that I could survive without him in my life. He had to realize that.
    “I just read your email.” I sounded terse and brisk
.
,
T
t he total opposite of the raging chaos that was happening inside of me.
    “I’m sorry. I felt like a total dick—” he was going to try to justify his cruel actions, but I wouldn’t let him.
    I gave a harsh laugh at his attempt. “Yeah, you were a total dick. You were shitty, cruel, heartless, unfeeling ; a brutal son of a bitch, Harry. You let me face it, and go through it, all on my own. No support or remorse came from you. That shitty love you kept throwing in my face was an absolute lie. And to answer your question, yes , I will be moving on. I don’t care how I will achieve it, but rest assured, I will get over you, Harry. Bastards like you don’t deserve to be loved.”
    “I know you’re angry, but you don’t mean that. You love me, Trista, and I love and miss you like crazy.” He sounded like he meant it, but what did I really know? It ticked me off that his words stole my breath away.
    A big part of me wanted to go back and be with him, but then I flashed to the moment that despair had overcome me the other night. I couldn’t keep hurting myself. I had to move on. It was pathetic that I kept making excuses not to, but I had none