Full Share by Nathan Lowell Page B

knew our team was about to be broken up. It was good to get back to dock, but it was sad too. The exact feeling was hard to put a finger on. Sad to be leaving the ship we fought so hard for. Glad to be alive to feel sad about it. There was a bit of anger too but in the grand scheme of things my situation seemed pretty anticlimactic. Being so close to dying made being put ashore a lot less onerous.
    As we were on final approach, the who goes first routine of assigning watch sections got a bit awkward. Those with the most seniority had first dibs. Brill picked second watch and then looked at Francis. He took first and left third section for Diane.
    “I’m sorry, Ish, but you’ll be relieved shortly after docking, and I want the new guy with me tomorrow morning.”
    “Figured,” I said, and shrugged.
    We secured from navigation detail at 17:45, Francis took the watch and he shook my hand as I left, no longer a watch stander. “You done good, Ish.”
    I headed for the hatch to pack my duffel. I didn’t know when I would be going or how much time I would have to prepare. I figured it paid to be ready. Most of the crew was either on watch or at dinner. The captain had not yet declared liberty. Rumors circulated that the company reps and insurance people were dithering about when and how—and apparently, if—they wanted to interview the crew. In the meantime, everybody hung around and took advantage of the free meal. It made it a bit easier to pack with no one around. It reminded me of my move into engineering from deck. There had been no one in either space and I was disoriented until Brill burst in and made me go shopping. I grinned at that. We traveled a long road in just a few weeks.
    I finished cleaning out and stood the duffel bag in the locker and slammed the door. I had no idea when I would have to go, but I was about as ready as I could be under the circumstances. Nothing for it but to go to chow.
    The mess deck was a-buzz but there was nothing unusual in that. After the last few days, we all felt a bit closer, I think. Several people smiled and nodded in my direction as I made my way to the mess line. Some of them looked sad. Some of them had hopeful expressions. I myself was holding up pretty well. We were here. It was happening. Grace under pressure and all that. “Cry in the flitter on the way home,” my mother used to say. It seemed silly at the time, but now I thought I could appreciate it a bit more.
    Cookie had pulled out all the stops with his spicy, sizzling beefalo. It might have been my favorite meal of his and I got a little pang thinking he probably had done it on purpose. I almost lost it then, but Sarah smiled at me across the line. “Trust Lois,” she said, before going back to her work. She had spoken the words so fast, I wasn’t even sure I had seen it. I moved on to Pip who looked as chipper as he could under the circumstances. The cut on his head was almost healed, but he still looked a little the worse for wear. We just shrugged at each other. There wasn’t much to say.
    I settled at a table with Bev and Rhon. I didn’t see either Diane or Brill and I knew Francis would have come and gone already. What with packing and all, it was near the end of the dinner hour.
    “Hey, Ish,” Rhon said. “Any word?”
    “Nope, nothing yet, but the new guy is supposed to be reporting ASAP. I’m not detached officially yet, but it’s probably only a matter of time.”
    Bev just looked at me. “If you get put ashore, you won’t be crew anymore,” she said with a kind of huskiness in her voice.
    Rhon gave Bev a glance and then looked at me with an odd gleam in her eye. “That’s true. You won’t be crew,” she said.
    Bev actually growled in the back of her throat. Not a word—just a growl. Even I knew it was a warning. Rhon looked at her and kind of settled back down in her seat. I confess, I rather liked the feeling it gave me.
    Then my tablet bipped and the spell broke. I looked at my